bleedingangel84: (reflected moon)
I just got one of the biggest shocks and best shocks ever in my life. It seems that my drabble  Diana has been nominated for Best Harry/Draco Drabble in the Falll-Winter 2013 Round at the HP Fanfic Fan Poll Awards. I don't know who nominated me for that, but I'm incredibly grateful and thankful they liked it that that much. This came at a time when I felt very much in need of something good to happen, and I have no words for how much it means to me. I literally cannot stop grinning right now. If you'd like to participate, voting starts on  November 1, 2013 and ends on December 31, 2013. The voting is open to the public, if you feel so inclined. I feel completely bowled over with happiness at the moment! Please excuse me while I go dance around my room. :D I hope everyone is well. Blessings and happy thoughts to all. <3




THE HP FANFIC FAN POLL AWARDS - FALL-WINTER ROUND 2013
Rules, Timelines, and How to Nominate a Fic

To Make Nominations/Ask Questions: hpfanficfanpollmod@gmail.com
Nomination period: October 1st - October 28th, 2013
Voting period: November 1st - December 31st, 2013
Winners announced: by January 10th, 2014

Yay me!!!!

Feb. 28th, 2013 09:08 pm
bleedingangel84: (reflected moon)
I just wanted to share something amazing with you all. I actually wrote the alphabet with my right hand tonight. I've said before that I have Cerebral Palsy, which means I have motor control issues. My left side has always been my best side, and my right side has been a little less useful to me. For a long time, I couldn't use it very much at all, but recently, I've started to get more control with it. I know it might seem silly to be so happy over this. It looks like a kindergartener wrote it, but some of the letters are actually legible. Which is hugely exciting for me, considering this is the first time I've had the control to actually hold the pen and write with it.  This gives me hope. Hope that I can keep improving and get better. That's worth more than words can express. There are so many times I'm so close to giving up, but this makes me want to keep trying. I did something today I never thought I'd be able to. For once, I'm actually crying happy tears. Yes! I feel proud of myself. It's such a small, tiny thing, but it's everything. I have no words for how overwhelming this feeling is.

I hope you are all having a wonderful day. Much love to all of you.
bleedingangel84: (This is true for me.)
Where has the time gone?

I've been busy lately, re-reading all the Harry Potter books, and getting lots of ideas for fics. I'm in the middle of CoS now, and I'm re-discovering exactly why it is that I fell in love with this series to begin with. It's like becoming reacquainted with an old friend I haven't seen in years, and it's proving just as fulfilling. I realize reading them that I genuinely miss these characters as JKR writes them. I utterly and completely adore fandom and the people I've met because of it, but it's nice to think that JKR gave us so many things to play with. I love fandom because that's where they can all stay alive if we want them to. It's funny how a character in a book can come to mean just as much to some as a living person.  That's what HP does for me, because I tend to spend a lot of time alone when I'm not online. Books help me feel less lonely.

They've been constant companions throughout my life. They carry no preconceived notions or judgements of me, and I very much appreciate the sense of peace and escape they provide. In a book, I can be and do anything. I'm not limited by the boundaries of so called "reality", and I value that sense of freedom, even if it's only in my ditzy little head.
bleedingangel84: (rose in rain)
I recently bought copies of Grand Jete and A Reason to Believe for my Kindle. I am really excited! I've wanted to buy them for a good while now. Haven't read them yet, but I wanted to share my happiness with everyone. So if I'm away from the computer for a few days, you know what I'm doing. Heehee. Hope everyone is well.
bleedingangel84: (rose in rain)
I'm actually happy right now. I feel good. I've been doing my best to look on the bright side of things, which is a really good change. I'm finding little things that make me happy every day, even if it's nothing but eating a piece of candy or enjoying a cup of tea. I'm also making it a point to keep myself hydrated, which has been a huge help. Drinking enough fluids is one thing I've struggled with for a very long time. Being hydrated alone makes a major difference. I feel much more awake and alive than I have in a long while, and I like the feeling.

Most importantly, I feel less helpless and hopeless. I'm standing up for myself more in small ways, but it feels amazing. It makes me realize that I don't have to give up. I can become more self-sufficient, which is really the only thing I've ever wanted from my life. It may be an uphill battle, but there is no reason for me to feel bad about myself, so long as I keep trying.
bleedingangel84: (rose in rain)
I love this bit, because everything he's saying applies SO much to me...




And this, because Tyler and Alfie are both awesome. I laughed 'til I was in tears.



Tyler is always happy-making for me, and this one was just too good not to share.
bleedingangel84: (Default)
Today was really nice, despite my being zombie tired. I left a message for one of my best friends the other day, and today, I got a reply back, which I feel really happy about. It just feels better to feel not so alone with this, even though my friend lives on another continent.  It feels like I can breathe more easily, and I'm not quite so on the edge of a straitjacket as I was. So...yay. Progress has been made. (Knock on Wood.)

My online friends that I generally spend time with were lovely and supportive as always. I really feel incredibly lucky in terms of my online support system. The people I've been fortunate enough to meet online have sat up with me during nights, talking me through depressions, break-ups, suicidal urges and other badness in my life. That's what I call going above and beyond the call of duty, and I am incredibly fortunate and blessed to know such people and be lucky enough to call them friends of mine.

Another positive thing that happened today was that I got a reply to a comment I left on a YouTube video dealing with anorexia in boys. It was from one of the boys featured in the documentary. He is now recovered from the illness and is studying medicine himself. I was just so pleased to hear that he is doing so well, it made me feel better myself. My own relationship with food is not so good at the moment, so his reply was like a small burst of extra motivation, which I desperately needed without realizing it. 

I don't mean to gossip or tell tales on anyone, but this news is one of the things that made me feel happy today, and it's rare to hear/see happy news anymore, so I wanted to share that.  I am actually happy and content right now. I feel peaceful. Those emotions are so rare for me that sometimes I forget how they feel.  It's nice to experience them like this, especially after so long a time being down and blah, so I'm going to enjoy it while it's here.

And, for another drop in the positivity bucket, my nephews just got haircuts for school today, and they look so adorable I could eat them with a spoon. Such handsome little boys. They will be beating the admirers off with sticks before long, I know it.

So yeah, for now, things are good. You've all been so great to support me through the bad places, I wanted to share some good.
bleedingangel84: (Default)
AHH!!! Tyler Oakley replied to me. I am so happy now. He left the nicest reply to one of my comments on his latest video. If you've read my journal at all the past little while, you know my feelings on his videos. They are one of the few things in life that honest-to-God makes me literally laugh out loud, even when I'm having a day from hell. He's really funny and easy to relate to, and videos like this are why I love him so much.





And he said in all caps, no less (!) that he adores me and would want to share my last meal or my life with me. I know I'm probably stupid to get that excited over a YouTube comment, but being happy feels too good for me to care about whether this is stupid or not. He is an inspiration to me, because he's struggled with food issues, too, and it's great to see him loving food and eating what he likes and wants to eat. Hopefully, I can do that one day, too.

*Squee* My life can not get any more awesome than it is right now. One of my favorite people on the Internet actually knows I exist.  I'm pathetic, I know, but who gives a rip? lol. :D
bleedingangel84: (Default)
A lifeless corpse, she laid there, smiling.
Death had come on soft wings
to bring her shelter from the pain.

Looking at her, all I could think was-
God, what beautiful bones.
Tears of envy rolled down my face
As I whispered a furtive goodbye.

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