Urgh...

Jul. 17th, 2015 06:11 am
bleedingangel84: (rose in rain)
Sometimes people make my heart hurt. Facebook can be a morass of negativity, especially if it's anything lgbtq related and you're from the South. Seriously, people, just learn not to say anything if you can't be respectful about shit. If I were a drinking person, these people would push me over the edge sometimes. Eesh. Seriously, where the hell did I come from, and how the hell can I go back?

At least I can thank the Creator for allowing me an open mind. What was it Ghandi said?

"I like your Christ, but I don't like your Christians?"

Kinda sums up how I feel right now. And most of the time, actually.

I don't see why people say things that are so hurtful. What good does that do anyone?

Please, do not ever, ever, ever let me be a judgemental asshat person. I couldn't stand myself if I was.
bleedingangel84: (rose in rain)
Yay! The Supreme Court legalized gay marriage! I felt like I could've floated right out of my body hearing that. Just when I was about to give up hope for my neck of the woods to ever get out of the dark ages of discrimination, this happened. There is hope!!!

On a side note, has anyone made the switch over to Windows 10? Do you lose your programs, or do you keep your stuff? The reason I ask is because I use MicrosoftWord Starter 2010 that came installed on my system when writing fic, and I would hate to lose that just for an upgrade. Or any of my other programs for that matter. Is anyone on my flist tech-savvy enough to advise about whether I should upgrade or not? Share your thoughts please. I'd like someone else's input here. I don't trust myself not to fuck something up somewhere if I go through with this.
bleedingangel84: (rose in rain)
I got hit in the face with my grandmother's transphobic prejudices tonight when we saw the advert for the show that's coming on soon, Becoming Us.

I myself am not transgender, but it hurt me to see the disgust on her face when the commercial for the show came on. I personally am glad this show exists. I think the transgender community needs to be seen from a more positive angle than it is now, and I say it's past time.

I'm tired of people saying and thinking that transgender individuals are disgusting. Especially people I love and share a gene pool with. Transgender people deserve respect, not contempt.

Just because someone is different doesn't make them disgusting.

Anyway, I'll get off my platform now, but I'm feeling a bit low, and I thought someone here might understand.

Take care, and love to all.
bleedingangel84: (rose in rain)
I just wanted to say that my heart breaks for this poor girl. Her parents were absolutely, mindfuckingly disgusting. Conversion therapy just because your child is transgendered? No. Isolating her from the only true source of support she had? No.

I pity the fact that her parents were so deeply ingrained in upholding the tenets of their religion that they failed to recognize a person in need of love, care, and acceptance. Even after death, they are still misgendering her. Just, no. No. It's not right.

I'm sorry she was in so much pain that she felt suicide was the only out. I'm sorry for her parents, who lost an amazing daughter because of their incredibly vast ignorance and transphobia.

I'm not debating anyone's right to their beliefs. Just, please remember that your beliefs can and do affect other people, so always treat others the way you would want to be treated.

I hope with all my heart that Leelah is at peace now. She deserves that.
bleedingangel84: (reflected moon)
Hello! I'm back on LJ after four days away. My family has, as usual driven me nuts with homophobic bullshit. Thank goodness not everyone believes as they do. I'm going to go read something to cheer myself up before I end up taking my frustration out on myself in ways I shouldn't. Hope everyone is well! I missed you all.

Question of the Day: How in the hell is Ellen DeGeneres wearing a tux in the Oscars promos "flaunting being gay"? Last I heard, clothing had little relation to sexual orientation. I've known straight women that have done the same thing. Wearing a tux is hardly indecent, but from the way my grandmother reacts to that promo, you'd think Ellen was fucking Portia de Rossi in public or something. I really wonder about people sometimes.
bleedingangel84: (gay marriage=happy?)
Gay marriage is not a punch line. It is not a joke, it is not comical. It's nothing to be laughed at. It is just as real and just as valid as any heterosexual marriage ever was, and I find it disappointing that my grandmother finds the idea of gay marriage comical. I find it hurtful and disgusting that ANYONE could have that attitude, but even more so when it's someone I love as I love my grandmother. Because yes, I do love her, despite the fact that her opinions on some things sicken me and make me want to disappear from existence. I can disagree all I want, but her opinion won't change, because "homosexuality is against the Bible". So is eating shrimp, but she sure as hell does that. Grr. One thing I can can be grateful for is that I don't believe that narrow-minded bullshit. How am I related to these people? How?

Anyway, end of rant. I'm going to go read something slashy and make myself feel better. Love is love, no matter who it's between. I wish everyone could see that. The world would be a better place.
bleedingangel84: (reflected moon)
Sometimes I honestly can't stand my family's attitude about gay people. They claim to not be racist or prejudiced or anything like that, but then, they make comments about how disgusting a show like Modern Family is because it depicts two gay men in a loving, committed relationship raising a child. Honestly, why do you care? There are gay people in the world. Being gay, lesbian, bisexual, pansexual, transsexual or anything else that is different from heterosexual does not make someone evil or abnormal.

Because, guess what? THERE IS NO NORMAL!!!

Everyone is different and that's a beautiful thing. If everyone were the same, life would be boring.

EVERYONE should have the right to love. I'm sorry if my family disagrees, but that is how I feel.

What gets me is that they have no problem  seeing a heterosexual couple kiss in front of their faces, but if they see a gay couple kiss on television it's nothing but: "Oh my God! Oh my God!" in disgusted tones of voice.

I know I've ranted about this before, so I apologize if this is getting old, but damn. I hate that my family can be so homophobic in the name of Christianity. It's not right. It hurts, and it makes me feel worth less as a person. I've never liked to put labels on my sexuality. I like who I like, whether they are male, female, transgendered or gender-neutral. I appreciate people that make me safe and valued for all of myself.

I'm thankful every day that I have friends, because without them, sometimes it would be very hard to continue living. I feel sorry for anyone who can't see the beauty that exists in all forms of love,. and I can only pray that one day, their eyes will be opened.
bleedingangel84: (reflected moon)
Well, if I had any hope left of ever being honest with my family about my orientation, that has now officially died a swift and very painful death.

My grandmother was talking about the demonstrations that have been on the news in support of gay marriage and called it "revolting" and "disgusting".

She said that people were not meant to live that way.

I couldn't keep my mouth shut at that.

I spoke up.

I said that as long as they weren't hurting anyone else, it doesn't matter how people choose to live their lives, and to live and let live.

And then, I got out of there as fast as I could, before I let fly something I shouldn't.

I don't know if she knows why I disagree with her opinions, but she knows I disagree.

This is kind of scary and painful, but I'm proud of myself for saying something, even if it wasn't what I wanted to say.

It hurts to realize my grandmother, who is the person I'm closet to in the world, is so closed-minded.

But as much as it hurts, it also makes me mad.

People should be free to live and love the way they want to, regardless of gender.

Being gay, bisexual, lesbian , transgendered, polyamorous, pansexual or whatever you are should not in any way negate the human right to love and be loved in return.

Heterosexual people should not be the only ones with the right to love openly and without censure.

We are people. Everyone is different, but that doesn't mean one gender, race, or orientation is any better or worse. We are all human beings. We deserve the same rights.

Love is beautiful, no matter the form, and it should be protected and cherished, regardless of the gender of the party or parties involved.

And that's my opinion. My homophobic family is entitled to theirs, but may I say, they can bite me.
bleedingangel84: (reflected moon)
So, Tyler Oakley is turning 24. He does a lot of work with The Trevor Project, which is a charity that works to prevent suicide for LGBTQ youth. This year, instead of gifts, he's asking that people donate to the new program they are trying to build, which is a text-based chat to prevent suicide. I think this is a great cause and a fabulous idea, so I thought I'd share the video and link to his fundraising page. I absolutely love and appreciate Tyler for everything he does. His videos make me smile, even when I'm having the worst days in the world. If anyone else feels like donating, please do, even if it's only a little bit. If you do, I'll really appreciate it. I've been on the end of having to call a crisis line before, so I know how crucial these things can be. Anyway, I'll post the video and link below, just in case anyone wants to check it out. If you do donate, I'd be happy to write a drabble or ficlet for you. Just leave your preferred fandom, pairing and a prompt and I'll get to work on that as soon as possible.

Tyler's Fundraising Page


ACK!

Feb. 8th, 2013 04:04 pm
bleedingangel84: (reflected moon)
Sometimes my family really makes me want to blow out my brains from sheer and utter frustration. I feel that way quite frequently. Today, my grandmother was telling me about something that happened on "The View" this morning. She was telling me that they'd had a gay couple on there, and one man was serenading his husband. She went on to mention that the couple was interracial. She then went on to say that it was disgusting, and that if that was the best they could do, "The View" needed to be taken off the air. I don't know whether she was more disgusted by the mixing of two races, the homosexuality of the couple or something else entirely, but I found her attitude on this disgusting and intolerable. I didn't offer a word in response because I didn't want to start a fight, but  it really made me steaming fucking mad, in addition to hurting me.

It hurts me that someone I care about so much could be that closed-minded. It makes me scared to be open or share anything at all with her. The bad part is, she's the person I spend the overwhelming majority of my time with. She's the one who takes care of me most often, and the rest of my family is hardly any better. Having to deal with their attitudes is akin to swallowing poison, and I can't stand it. How the hell did I come from them? And how can I keep from going crazy? God, I hate this so much.

Edit: Having just watched what my grandmother termed "disgusting", I have to say that I found the two of them incredibly cute. They've been together as a couple for twenty-one years. How many hetero couples can claim that in this day and age? My grandmother's assessment makes me incredibly sad. An expression of love is never disgusting, regardless  of differences in gender or race. These homophobic, bigoted relatives of mine are going to drive me insane, I swear. I wish I didn't have to be around them. I just feel like crying.

Urgh...

Jan. 2nd, 2013 05:27 pm
bleedingangel84: (reflected moon)
I'm having a weird day.  Not bad, not good. Just odd.

I read the book Prayers for Bobby on my Kindle yesterday. I finally bought it with a little of my Christmas money from last year. I've been wanting to read it since I found out it existed.

Reading it, I couldn't help identifying with Bobby.  Certain things he wrote in his diaries are very similar to things I've thought about myself.

This book broke my heart, but in some ways it gave me hope as well. It's a sad, sad story, but I'm very glad I read it. I feel so much less freakish now. It seems like an odd thing to say. but it's true. Ever since Thanksgiving, in some ways, it feels like I've been afraid of myself. it seems stupid, but I have. Mentally, it's been like I was afraid God was going to banish me to some deep pit. I've been afraid of my own thoughts. It's similar to the year I was 14, but not as bad, thank goodness. My mind nearly broke during that time, and it's taken me ages to start getting somewhere close to normal again.

I think something about thanksgiving with my family triggered deeply unpleasant memories in my psyche. I started to loathe myself again. I felt in some ways (and still feel) like I deserve punishment. I have literally prayed for death recently, just because I felt the need to protect others from myself. Which I realize is stupid and illogical. I would never intentionally hurt anyone if I can help it. I've always tried to keep an open mind and heart. I've always wanted to make the world better, even if it's just in a small way. I do my best to try to help in whatever ways I'm able. I do my best not to judge people. I've always felt that loving them was more important.

No, I am not perfect. There are times I fail and fall short, always. I don't understand why or how I judge myself so harshly for things when forgiving others comes more easily to me.

I'm not sure where this comes from exactly, but I felt the need to get it out.
bleedingangel84: (rose in rain)



Things like this are precisely why I have such respect for Dan Radcliffe. I thought his speech here and his delivery were very inspiring. I'm posting it to my LJ so that I can listen to it as often as I need to, because it just made me feel good. He helps restore my faith in human kind.
bleedingangel84: (Default)
I was watching a YouTube video posted by Chris Crocker this morning. Anyone who watches his videos or has heard of him knows: HE. IS. GAY!  And I happen to find him adorable, too, but that's not the point I want to make with this entry. Every video of his I watch, there is always some comment calling him a faggot or a homo. Ditto with Tyler Oakley, who is so mega-cute and funny he should come with his own warning label. I am so not into homophobia.  Hell, reading slash is one of favorite pastimes ever, and Harry/Draco is my OTP.

My rant is about how extremely ignorant it is is to use those words as insults when someone acknowledges their homosexuality. It's all I can do not to tell those stupid insulting asshats to get better material. Hello, yes, these people know their own orientation, and by choosing to insult them in such a way, those who participate in that behavior are merely showing their own limited intellectual capabilities. There is nothing original in saying those things. Such terms are merely a derogatory method of restating what the people you insult freely admit to. For heaven's sake, would it kill them to employ a dictionary or thesaurus? Homophobia on its own is a blasphemy to me, but the sheer and utter lack of originality present in homophobes somehow makes it hurt worse.

I consider myself of open orientation. I also come from a family that is in many ways very homophobic. Now, don't get me wrong. I love my family, but the homophobic, racist garbage is what I can't stand. and a lot of it is just as unoriginal tripe. Sometimes I have to stop myself screaming: "God, save me, I'm related to judgmental homophobes!"  I suppose it's quite a talent to be both boring and hurtful, but somehow this particular subset of people manage that rather well. Sad to say that my relatives, whom I love, have something in common with the net trollers I can't stand, but it's the truth. Not only is it boring, but it leaves me wanting to hide even more. Homophobia sucks. Love is love, no matter what. God bless anyone who doesn't agree, because obviously their brains malfunctioned somewhere. That is all. Please leave those of us with working brains alone, or at least find insults that are more creative, because the ones you use lack entertainment value. *Snort*
bleedingangel84: (Default)
Okay, let me preface this by saying I normally do not have a political bone in my body. I don't even watch the news, because it's too damn depressing and spreads negativity. Today, I learned from a friend That they are trying to pass a bill in Uganda that would make homosexuality illegal and punishable by death. Being a slash fan and a fan of letting people live according to their own hearts, this really upset me.  There is a petition to the president of Uganda asking him to veto the bill if it should pass. If you feel so inclined please sign this. There is only a limited amount of time left before this issue is decided. I was sent this from a friend in the fandom, and my conscience wouldn't let me ignore it. I don't ordinarily ask people to do things like this, but this is important to me. Take a minute to read up on this and please sign, if you will. This link is below.

http://www.allout.org/petition/uganda

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