Canine Conundrums

[bleedingangel84]

Title: Canine Conundrums

Author: bleedingangel84

Beta: None

Rating: PG-13

Warnings: Mentions of arse-kissing, but nothing seen onscreen

Word Count: 365

Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction created for fun and no profit has been made.

Notes: Not my usual pairing. Not beta’ed. Posted on little sleep. See an error? Please comment and tell me. Completely random bit of fic inspired by this week’s prompts.

Written for: hogwarts365 Prompt #43-“Just listen to this song and smile.”; Buckbeak; Austrailia

Summary: Sometimes the stupidest arguments get you into the worst trouble.

Canine Conundrums

“Harry, do we have to go to Australia now?”

“Why not now?”

“It’s winter there.”

“What’s the matter, Padfoot? Afraid of freezing your jingle bells off?”

“You know the cold doesn’t agree with me, Harry. I’m an old man.”

“Right. We’re wizards, not muggles. You’re hardly ancient. You’re just trying to get out of going.”

“Buckbeak won’t tolerate being left behind.”

“We talked to Hagrid, remember? He’ll see to Buckbeak while we’re away.”

“Harry, I don’t feel well. You should go without me.”

“Everything will be fine. You’ll see.”

“International portkeys make me queasy.”

International portkeys turn everyone queasy, love. Why don’t you tell me what’s really got your fur knotted, yeah?”

“Ron and Hermione don’t know about us, do they? I‘m worried they might hate the idea.”

“Even if they do, who cares?”

“I care. I know they’re important to you. I don’t want them thinking I’m some sort of perverted old lech.”

“I’ve told you before. You’re not old. Wizards generally have longer life spans than muggles.”

“Wait, so you’re saying I’m a perverted lech?”

“Do you hear me complaining?”

“No.”

“Then stop worrying about it.”

“Easy for you to say.”

“Padfoot. I love you. Ron and Hermione love me. As long as I’m happy, I could be with a baboon and they wouldn’t care.”

“Is that your way of saying I’m hairy?”

“Sirius, you’re mental, you know that?”

“So, you don’t think I’m hairy?”

“No, I’m Harry. You’re Sirius. And I love you. And if my friends don’t like it, they can queue up to kiss my arse.”

“Kissing your arse is my job.”

“Shall I conduct a performance review?”

“Won’t we miss our portkey?”

“Australia can wait a few minutes.”

“Harry, what’s that noise?"

“My mobile’s ringing.”

“That’s offensive to canines everywhere.”

“Just listen to this song and smile. It’s fun.”

“It is rather silly, I suppose. But stop that ringing before the song infects my brain.”

“Sirius, it’s Who Let the Dogs Out, not poison.”

“It’s worse than poison. Poison would be a step up.”

“Hermione? Yes, the portkey is active. See you in a bit.”

“Harry, if I have to hear that song again, you’ll be in the doghouse.”