Giving my thoughts a big, fat FUCK YOU

[bleedingangel84]

Fierce in my pain--
I want to bite, to
scratch and claw--
cut my own body--
until my skin is-
flayed apart like meat.

Grey smoke is my thoughts--
swirling, dripping, burning--
rushing and racing-
fast and slow--
chaos with too many
empty spaces.

My lips pull apart--
not a smile, but a mask--
everything's a lie,
but you see,
I am fine.

That's what everyone sees--
but deep inside, I ponder death--
not with fear, but with relief--
an end to the insanity of life.

Still, I carry on--
grit my teeth--
search for reasons--
to rise from sleep--
that I wish would never end.

I sing at the top of my lungs--
with tears in my eyes.
I raise a triumphant fist-
when all I want is to die.

I will survive.
These thoughts--
will not beat me--
I am--
Relentlessly--
alive.

Comments

[my_thestral]

And so you are, babe, alive, that is - just the way we want you. I will not call the poem nice, cause it just doesn't fit with the dark expressive terms - but it comes with hope and defiance and that's what counts in the end. You're alive. Just how you were meant to be. Stay with us a little longer, will you? :)
Super-sized hugs for honesty and finding a way of expressing yourself rather than hurting yourself... :)