Today

[bleedingangel84]

Today, I wanted to die. Suicide still seems tempting, if I'm completely honest. I'm not looking for attention. I don't mean to worry people. I just want to say one thing: I am more than just my limitations. Sometimes it's really very easy to forget that when my family seems to emphasize them. I know I will feel this way again at some point in the future. I've gone through crying, and I've added pissed as fuck into the mix. As well as feeling guilty for wanting to end things, but it's how I feel. My quality of life is nearly nowhere, and the only thing that makes my existence somewhat tolerable is fandom. That, and my family, are part of what make me stay.And one of the people whom I stay for is also contributing to this issue, so that just makes things worse.I just want to scream. I feel like I look ahead, and all I see is bleak and blank nothing. That said, I'm not giving up. I want to, but I won't.

Comments

[my_thestral]

And you shouldn't give up, girl. I know life can be pretty frustrating and infuriating sometimes - it was a really fucked up day for me as well yesterday - but you've gotta keep swimming.
Make sure you tick off the little joys in your life every so often (like that concert you went to), but I'm sure there are more than you're aware of. Sometimes people who care about us - and happily make us crazy - form part of the "things worth living for" even though you have to remind yourself every so often, that strangling them is illegal. ;)
Write and read something nice and do something nice for someone else, as well as yourself. Have an ice-cream. Watch some porn (hell, yeah, someone's gotta keep all that statistic up, it's practically your Bible belt duty!;)) - and don't give up just yet. Nicer days will come. Did you apply to the Mental health fest? I have a feeling you'd have a thing or two to write on those topics! I'm doing it, perhaps there's still time for you?
BIg fucking hugs, alright? I've got a tough day in front of me, and I kind of need your prayers, so don't you dare go anywhere! ;)

[bleedingangel84.livejournal.com]

I'm sorry you had a bad day yesterday. Thank you so much for taking the time to comment. It means a lot to me. I'd been considering signing up for mental health fest, but I honestly don't know that I could do it justice. I don't plan on going anywhere just yet, but yesterday was definitely rough enough to make me want to. I will definitely keep you in my prayers, and hope that you have better days coming. You definitely deserve it. *huge, massive hugs with a side of chocolate-covered Ron*

[enchanted-jae.livejournal.com]

I'm sorry you had a rough day. Hope are is better now.

[bleedingangel84.livejournal.com]

I'm feeling lots better, especially since I just read one of your fics, Thank you. <3

[enchanted-jae.livejournal.com]

"Hope ARE is better now"?!

Good thing I don't have to type on my Kindle any more. Sheesh.

:D

[bleedingangel84.livejournal.com]

Typing on anything that in not a keyboard is a pain for me. I'm glad your computer issues are getting resolved, and I hope you are able to save your stuff.