Verbal vomit is not pretty

[bleedingangel84]

Have you ever tried to talk about something and not known how to say it? That's how I'm feeling at the moment. I'm having a really hard time putting it into words, but I'm having a difficult time lately.

The second anniversary of my father's death is coming up in a little over a week. I can't believe it's already been two years.

Some days, I miss him so much I can barely breathe, but I feel that he is still with me all the time.

Life in general has been hard. A lot of my family members are sick and not in good health.

I don't want to lose anyone else. I'm sorry if that sounds selfish, but it's how I feel. At this point, I have almost as much family below ground as above. Part of me wanted to roll over and die when Daddy passed away. Some days I still do, if I'm completely honest. But, I can't do that to my family.

I'm just having a difficult time seeing why it would matter if I died.

I know I won't always feel this way, but right now is just hard.

If you've read this, thank you. I very much appreciate it.

Now I'm going to go read some fic or something to cheer myself up.