bleedingangel84 (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
bleedingangel84) wrote2015-01-22 09:54 pm
bleedingangel84) wrote2015-01-22 09:54 pm
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Why am I writing this?
There are days when life seems like a bitter pill that I'm forced to swallow. Days when I wake up and just feel like stepping out of my skin. I want to scream. These last few days have been odd. On the surface of it, I'm fine. I'm eating, sleeping, and functioning. And that's all good, right?
But, there's the other side of things that keeps creeping up. Sometimes I think dying would be a relief. I'm sick of my body. I'm sick of limitations and having no one around but my family. I love them, don't mistake me. But, it would be so nice to have someone else in my support system besides them.
I'm around them so much that their very presence is an irritant sometimes. And I depend on them, so it's semi-inevitable. I just...*sigh*...I don't even know what to say now. Words are beyond this. I just feel like howling.
All of that said, if any of you feel so inclined, may I please have a hug?
But, there's the other side of things that keeps creeping up. Sometimes I think dying would be a relief. I'm sick of my body. I'm sick of limitations and having no one around but my family. I love them, don't mistake me. But, it would be so nice to have someone else in my support system besides them.
I'm around them so much that their very presence is an irritant sometimes. And I depend on them, so it's semi-inevitable. I just...*sigh*...I don't even know what to say now. Words are beyond this. I just feel like howling.
All of that said, if any of you feel so inclined, may I please have a hug?
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You have us. ♥ Never forget, okay?
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Hey... you still alive under all them hugs?
Here, have this Professor Lupin's cure for all kinds of trouble. *hands you the chocolate*
Better? Or shall we call St. Mungo's? *hugs you once more*
I can't say I know where you're coming from, because that would be a blatant lie - but I do feel for you.
I can't imagine my support system begin limited only to my family, however great they are - they are radically different from what I'm about and don't have much understanding for my interest and tastes. It's very important to have contact outside of this primary unit, based on common interests and likings, you know people you made your friends because you like each other, not only people you were handed at birth without any view as to how well you can cope with each other.
I can totally understand your frustration with your physical disability limiting you in going out there and make contacts and new friends like that. Is there some kind of a association for people that have the same limitations as you do, to meet or at least find some sort of a way to expand their social network a bit? Have you got courage enough to start one? Could be an on-line thing, if you're not really able to leave your home.
And last, but not least, you've got us. Sadly, not in real-life, but that doesn't mean we're not here to listen when life just gets a bit much. Everyone's got moments like this. Sometimes I'm so destroyed in the evening from the 14 hours of running around that I can't even put my kids to a bath without shouting, so their dad has to do it.:P
Spring will be here soon, better weather, more chance to get out every once in a while, even if accompanied, and get some fresh experiences. Don't be afraid to ask it of your family to loosen their care for you a bit - you might not be in the best condition, but you're not likely to shatter any time soon. Hugs, you're stronger than you think! :)
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Sorry for commenting only now, I just saw this.
I know how you feel, you actually described how I feel now. If I'd be there with you, I'd hug you and we be sitting in silence, rocking back and forth, sometimes crying, whispering encouringing words.
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