Why am I writing this?

[bleedingangel84]

There are days when life seems like a bitter pill that I'm forced to swallow. Days when I wake up and just feel like stepping out of my skin. I want to scream. These last few days have been odd. On the surface of it, I'm fine. I'm eating, sleeping, and functioning. And that's all good, right?

But, there's the other side of things that keeps creeping up. Sometimes I think dying would be a relief. I'm sick of my body. I'm sick of limitations and having no one around but my family. I love them, don't mistake me. But, it would be so nice to have someone else in my support system besides them.

I'm around them so much that their very presence is an irritant sometimes. And I depend on them, so it's semi-inevitable. I just...*sigh*...I don't even know what to say now. Words are beyond this. I just feel like howling.

All of that said, if any of you feel so inclined, may I please have a hug?

Comments

[bleedingangel84.livejournal.com]

*hugs*Thank you so much. I can really relate to what you said about your family. I often feel the same way about mine, but because of my physical limitations, I'm somewhat forced to be dependent on them to meet my needs, and it's like we speak different languages or something, and it can get very extremely frustrating. Thankfully, I do have friends online that keep me from going completely bonkers, but I haven't had much time for downtime. It seems like I'm either busy or sleeping anymore. The place I life in is extremely rural, so I don't know how feasible it would be to to find or start a group. Another thing is that I depend on my family to drive me places, so that kind of limits my options a bit. On top of which, I usually just tend to feel really awkward around people if I'm face-to-face with them, and I feel about as interesting as cardboard. heh. I'm hanging on, but sometimes it feels like it's by the skin of my teeth, If I'm reading or writing fic, I feel better though. it's a means of escape for me when my family gets too tough to take. *bigs squeezy hugs* Thanks again for everything.