Update on Easter

[bleedingangel84]

So my Easter was...uncomfortable. I am so grateful my cousin's girlfriend's dog was there. He stuck by me almost the whole time we were there. I didn't talk much because I was busy petting him and talking to him.

We had hamburgers, hotdogs, sausages, baked beans and potato salad, none of which are things that I would voluntarily eat because, just...no. There was also some sort of weird broccoli/cauliflower bacon salad-type thing, and Fritos scoops with spinach dip.

For dessert, there was a deconstructed chocolate eclair thing, which was nice, and my sister made peanut-butter lasagna, which was a recipe she found on pinterest. There were cupcakes and banana pudding as well.

I was a good girl and ate the food without moaning, mostly because it was a special occasion. Everything was all well and fine until my mother's siblings came from their church's Easter program. These are people that I'm grateful to see only two to three times a year at most.

My aunt started asking me questions about what I was up to in my life. I managed to navigate those, but before I could breathe a sigh of relief, my aunt brought up church. She asked me if I'd gone to church that morning, and I said no. She asked why I hadn't. I said that I just hadn't. She asked me if I was even looking for a church to go to, and I said no, because my experiences with the Christian school that I went to just causes the thought of going to church every week to stir up negative emotions. I said this to her. I did my best not to be rude. I wasn't mean and didn't swear,
even though I REALLY wanted to.

I also said that my relationship with God is personal to me, and that the church isn't just a building, it's people. You'd have thought I was demon-possessed or some shit. My uncle, bless his heart, could tell I was uncomfortable and tried to lighten the situation by saying what I really needed was a man to motivate me to go to church.

I was just...no.

Luckily, about then, my grandmother was ready to go, and I was able to escape their clutches mostly unscathed.

My question is this: Why the hell is what I choose to believe or disbelieve in anyone's business but my own? I don't go around hurting people or killing babies. Why the fuck does it make a difference to them that I don't choose to patronise a building each week? The Creator that I choose to believe in does not care. He/She/They/It/Whomever knows my inside, and I'm not doing shit to please anybody when it makes my soul and heart hurt. I'm sorry, but I won't.

I don't even care what someone else's beliefs are. I haven't voluntarily entered a church since I was about 15. That doesn't make me immoral or lost, even if they seem to think so. I believe in the the freedom to believe or not, as someone chooses. The role of religion and/or spirituality in a person's life has to be an individual chioce, at least to my thinking. I've had enough of having other people's beliefs and ideologies forced down my throat to last several lifetimes, so I don't force what I believe on people. I'm not here for that, and I don't appreciate when they do it to me. It hurts and it just makes me want to scream.

Comments

[my_thestral]

Whoa, sounds like quite a tense - and intense - holiday! :P
You know, my family is Catholic, I was brought up as one, but my BF is a total pagan (we lovingly call him the anti-Christ) ;). Religion was never an issue in our family, kids are getting a Catholic upbringing to understand the habits of the western world and we live in and its traditions a bit better, which basically means they go to Church three times a year, but know all the stories connected to Christian holidays. But if they want to be Buddhist when they grow up, I don't have a problem with that. I don't give a flying fuck.
To me, my belief is deeply personal and I wouldn't dare comparing going to church with being a believer. You know how they say: Believing that being a good person because you go to church is like standing in a garage, believing you're a car.
How dare they even make it an issue!? Do you ask them of their sexual practices? Or the lingerie your aunt wears? Cause that's just as private and just as much your business! Bloody hell... Some people, honestly...
You've got a patience of a saint, I would have told them to go put a church tower up their asses directly, unless there's already a stick up there. :P And I don't even care that they're aunts and uncles - if they don't respect you and your choices, you don't owe them anything much either. Sorry for the bluntness, I'm an annoying over-bearing person that gets upset for everything! :)
Hugs, go read some nice Drarry porn, you'll feel better knowing how appalled it would make your aunt if she knew! ;)

[bleedingangel84.livejournal.com]

Thank you so much for your comment. I literally cannot express how much I appreciate your support. I live in the bible belt, and people around here are serious about their religion. Some, almost to the point that it seems like a disease. If you haven't caught the church bug, then you are the one with the issue. At least I know that I'm not completely insane, even if no one else seems to realize that. I just feel like my beliefs are something personal to me. Just because I choose not to go to church, does not mean that I'm some immoral evil person. I feel sorry for anyone who is too closed-minded to see outside of their own bubble. My relatives are the types of people who wouldn't change their minds unless God himself said so, and even then, they'd have to consult the bible, just to be sure. It makes me sad, in addition to being annoying and anger inducing. My beliefs are mine, and I know they'd vehemently disagree with them, but I'd rather follow a path that loves people instead of shutting them out. That's what theirs seems to be. Perhaps I'm misjudging, but I can only go by what I've seen and felt in the way they deal with people. Anyway, I'm just thankful they are not me. I think I will go read some porn and listen to some metal. I need to cleanse my brain after this debacle. Lol! And don't worry over being blunt. That's a quality I wish I possessed more often, and it's nice to know that I'm not wrong in feeling the way I do. Thanks again for everything. *big, massive hugs*

[my_thestral]

Girl, you're very welcome. Bible belt, huh? Ouch, that's pretty fucked up, sorry to say so. You know that the greatest percentage of gay porn users come from there? Just a tidbit. ;)
I probably told you that I'm an anthropologist by education (though this is not what I do in my life) and you wouldn't believe all the gods and the beliefs out there - the varieties are huge and though the Christianity is up there with the big ones, it's far from the only one. And who says which one is "the right one", if any? That's why it's called "belief", not fact, and what you believe, it's no one's business but your own. If you believed the earth was flat, that would make you stupid (with all the scientific proof around, saying otherwise). However, if you believe that after death, there's nothing or that you re-incarnate as a ladybug or that you turn up in Purgatory or whatever else is out there - no one has the right to tell you, you're wrong.
Personally, I respect the basic lore of Christianity - the moral principles, such as "don't lie", "don't steal" etc. - but I think when Moses went up that mountain, he must have dropped one plate with commandments saying "be tolerant", "respect others and their beliefs" and "mind your own fucking business". ;) And every religion basically comes down to people practising it - there are good Christian people and there are evil Christian farts.
And if anyone criticizes you ever again, tell them: your god gave me life, according to you, everything is his will, so he made me this way, are you saying he's wrong?
Beat the fuckers with their own fucking weapon! ;)

[bleedingangel84.livejournal.com]

I'd have to say that little tidbit doesn't surprise me. There are way too many repressed people in this part of the country. I suppose they'd need to have some kind of an outlet for all that. :) Personally, I think a lot of people here misinterpret the basic Christian ideals. The took sound principles and warped them until they seem to act like some sort of weapon meant to control. And according to my family, God allows bad things to happen that are not his will, so good can come from them. At that point, I start to wonder whether they actually have faith in him, or are they believing just to avoid going to hell? I don't know. I once told my grandmother I didn't believe in Satan, and she said that was the same as not believing in God. I don't see how, but...yeah. That's my family. I love them, but talking about my beliefs with them is like beating my head against a brick wall. Only, beating my head against the brick wall may actually be less frustrating. In any case, I'm grateful that I don't have to share their opinions. Their concept of God just hurts my heart. Knowing that people actually believe that way, it's no wonder to me that so many people choose to follow other paths. I really don't blame them. I don't mind that my family believes differently than me, but I'd prefer they didn't try to impose their beliefs on my life. In all fairness, most of them don't, but my my mother's brother and sisters are super-religious and think everyone else should be too. Thank goodness I don't see them more often. They probably start calling me the antichrist because I wouldn't be able to keep my lips sealed if they really got going. If I actually thought it would help, I'd say something, but that's a lesson I learned the hard way, unfortunately. Thank you again for the encouragement and support. It really helps. :)