bleedingangel84 (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
bleedingangel84) wrote2014-08-29 07:11 pm
bleedingangel84) wrote2014-08-29 07:11 pm
Thank God it's Friday!
I am, for once, looking forward to this weekend. I have every intention of watching The Perks of Being a Wallflower tomorrow. It is one of my favorite movies ever. I can relate to both that movie and book in some way that defies being quantified. I recently bought it on Amazon for less than $5. New. I guess it must've been meant for me to have it.
I have been struggling lately. I can't say that I'm actively suicidal. I have no plans to do anything that drastic, but I have been thinking about death a lot. The self-destructive side of me is rearing its head a little. I'm doing my best to ignore that and get on with self-care, but in all honesty, that's not what I want to do. I just feel like I'm going to explode if this keeps up. I'm almost looking forward to that because it would be something different. I don't even know how to make that make sense to anyone else, but everything in my life, especially lately, always feels the same. I'm around the same people and I do the same things every day. And that's all well and good. But, there's a part of me that wishes I was anywhere else doing anything else and with anyone else.
I literally have had no personal face-to-face contact with anyone who isn't in my family for months now. Even when I do get out of my house to go for supplies and food, it's my family that takes me. I just feel the urge to scream sometimes. I love my family. and I know they love me. I wish them no ill will. I'm thankful for all they do for me. But, sometimes I wish things were different.
I guess that's all I have to say. I hope everyone is well.
I have been struggling lately. I can't say that I'm actively suicidal. I have no plans to do anything that drastic, but I have been thinking about death a lot. The self-destructive side of me is rearing its head a little. I'm doing my best to ignore that and get on with self-care, but in all honesty, that's not what I want to do. I just feel like I'm going to explode if this keeps up. I'm almost looking forward to that because it would be something different. I don't even know how to make that make sense to anyone else, but everything in my life, especially lately, always feels the same. I'm around the same people and I do the same things every day. And that's all well and good. But, there's a part of me that wishes I was anywhere else doing anything else and with anyone else.
I literally have had no personal face-to-face contact with anyone who isn't in my family for months now. Even when I do get out of my house to go for supplies and food, it's my family that takes me. I just feel the urge to scream sometimes. I love my family. and I know they love me. I wish them no ill will. I'm thankful for all they do for me. But, sometimes I wish things were different.
I guess that's all I have to say. I hope everyone is well.