I wonder what it means to be a good person

[bleedingangel84]

I often think about what it means to be a good person. I don't really know that I consider myself one most of the time. It's not that I go out of my way to hurt people or anything. I never want to do that if I can help it. But, there's a part of me that always thinks I could be doing so much better. My main goal in life is to survive, possibly help or entertain a few people along the way, and not to care what people think of me. I would hope to leave a positive impression with most people if I can, but I fear I fall short of that most of the time.

I guess the fact that my family is homophobic makes me feel a little tainted or something, but it feels like no matter how hard I try to be good, I always feel as though I'm not. Logically, it makes no sense. I realize that, but I can't help feeling like I'm worth less or not as good. Urgh. I feel stupid even trying to put words to this. I don't know why my brain is in such a ridiculous place sometimes. I don't do anything any differently than I have done for years. I read slash, but that's probably my main guilty pleasure, and I don't see that as a bad thing, considering the fact that 90% of what I read is about consenting adults or older teens. Reading is the one thing that makes my life endurable some days, especially lately.

I know I'm probably coming down hard on myself here. I would never judge or condemn anyone else for doing the things I do, so why do I feel like I'm so much an evil seed? My logical brain is telling me I'm silly to feel that way, and I should listen. I know that. No one should expect themselves to be absolutely perfect. But somewhere inside of me, I do. Which is stupid, because there is no such thing as perfect. I'm only human and doing the best I can. That ought to feel worth something, but most of the time it doesn't. Anyway, enough thinky thoughts for today.

Hope everyone is doing well. <3

Comments

[enchanted-jae.livejournal.com]

Ya goose! You're not a bad person. You're not even a not-good person. You're a super person! As long as you're not being mean or hurtful to someone else, you're a good person. If you try to bolster someone else when they're down, or offer to help out where you can when someone needs it, you're a good person.

Now, be good to yourself. Think good thoughts about that wonderful person in the mirror!

[bleedingangel84.livejournal.com]

Thank you, Jae! *hugs* <3