Triggers galore today

[bleedingangel84]

I had to try on clothes today. That always triggers the not-good, hate my body feeling. Being told 'we need to get some weight off those legs" hurts. Badly.

I'm trying not to give into my impulses to starve myself.

I know it's such a stupid thing to get triggered over, but damn it, I can't help it.

i felt like a complete failure at that moment.

I'm healthy, but now I feel fat and ugly.

I feel worthless as all fuck right now, It's stupid, I know, but I do.

I wish i could just disappear from the face of the planet.

I don't mean to bellyache all over my journal, but I had to get that out.

*cries*

In the first place, that was a sucky thing to say, and in the second, my body is MINE, and doesn't belong to anyone else.

I just want to hit something.

*screams*

Comments

[lyonessheart.livejournal.com]

Honey - who told you something so stupid? We all look different, and if there was a way to loose weight at specific places of our body most of us would run around looking like a plastic doll. I have no waist to speak of - if I lose weight to have a waist - I lose my boobs and my butt, since I like those more, I live with not having a waist. So don´t let any trollop tell you where to loose what on your body okay?

Hugs to you!

[0idontknow0]

*hugs*

I was thinking that if you have a ball you could throw it against something repeatedly. It'd be less painful than hitting something. Or maybe ripping a bunch of paper you don't need, or cardboard. Something you can go wild with.

[my_thestral]

Oh, I know very well how those little things someone probably didn't think through or twice about can bring you down! I was anorexic for 10 years and if someone as much as hinted that there was something wrong with my body, I'd starve myself stupid. Of course, when they started hinting I was too skinny, I tended to take that as a compliment. I was fat as a child and once I realized if I lose weight, I have a potential of looking attractive, there was no end to my folly! Ten of the best years of my life went down the drain - but the experience I got was priceless, so I don't wish they didn't happen, I just wish I could go back in time and slap the stupid bitch that I was.
One thing that I learnt was, that I was no happier thinner than I was fat, I might have been even more miserable. Weight had absolutely no meaning in making me feel good about myself. So one day, when I was almost left friendless - cause I pretty much drove everyone away - I asked myself if that's what my life is going to be about? About a lonely skeleton in the mirror? Was I really willing to trade everything that I've achieved for an ideal I could never reach, because it only lived in my head? And the answer was plain and simple: no, it wasn't, no I wasn't. The solution, however, was much harder. Loving yourself is a bitch. Letting go of obsessive self-control more so. I paid dearly for my happiness and it was hard earned, but I got there in the end.
So my life lesson was, that there are always going to be new friends, new jobs, new loves, new experiences - but just one self-esteem. No one can bring you down if you don't let them,cause you're all that.:) Fastest sperm? Ring a bell? ;)
So yes, your legs might not be perfect, but the fucking walk, don't they?! They do their job - imagine not having them! Or your hips might be too wide - you'll be glad of that if/when you have children. I've got hips that need their own postal code and my babies practically flew out! ;) Everything on your body has a purpose and you're not a bloody mannequin, are you? Do you think you'd really be happier skinnier? My experience says: nope. Better find kinder people that cuddle your soul, rather than hate yourself for people who don't appreciate variety in humans. Just my two cents - cause your post really stroke near home. I apologize for usurping your journal for my selfish ranting. :)

[enchanted-jae.livejournal.com]

:(

*hugs*