Triggers galore today

[bleedingangel84]

I had to try on clothes today. That always triggers the not-good, hate my body feeling. Being told 'we need to get some weight off those legs" hurts. Badly.

I'm trying not to give into my impulses to starve myself.

I know it's such a stupid thing to get triggered over, but damn it, I can't help it.

i felt like a complete failure at that moment.

I'm healthy, but now I feel fat and ugly.

I feel worthless as all fuck right now, It's stupid, I know, but I do.

I wish i could just disappear from the face of the planet.

I don't mean to bellyache all over my journal, but I had to get that out.

*cries*

In the first place, that was a sucky thing to say, and in the second, my body is MINE, and doesn't belong to anyone else.

I just want to hit something.

*screams*

Comments

[bleedingangel84.livejournal.com]

You're very welcome. I really do appreciate you sharing what your experiences have been, so please don't feel like you have to be quiet just because it's on my journal. I really don't mind you speaking out here. I've asked my grandmother several times not to make comments about things regarding my weight unless I ask her something in particular, but she often says things without thinking. I realize that's what she's doing, but it still hits me hard, especially if I'm stressed or emotional like I was this weekend. I know she'd never want to have a negative effect on me, but it still hurts. sometimes the thoughtless things hurt worse, actually. Because if someone takes the time to think of something insulting, it's easier to rationalize it and brush it off because you know there's a reason they said it that's often not related to you. It just hurts, because when I address things like this, I hear that I just need to get over it or overlook it, but it's not that easy. It always comes back to the fact that I'm the one with the issue, so it's up to me to deal with it.