Skulls and Angels

I just got one of the biggest shocks and best shocks ever in my life. It seems that my drabble  Diana has been nominated for Best Harry/Draco Drabble in the Falll-Winter 2013 Round at the HP Fanfic Fan Poll Awards. I don't know who nominated me for that, but I'm incredibly grateful and thankful they liked it that that much. This came at a time when I felt very much in need of something good to happen, and I have no words for how much it means to me. I literally cannot stop grinning right now. If you'd like to participate, voting starts on  November 1, 2013 and ends on December 31, 2013. The voting is open to the public, if you feel so inclined. I feel completely bowled over with happiness at the moment! Please excuse me while I go dance around my room. :D I hope everyone is well. Blessings and happy thoughts to all. <3

THE HP FANFIC FAN POLL AWARDS - FALL-WINTER ROUND 2013
Rules, Timelines, and How to Nominate a Fic
To Make Nominations/Ask Questions: hpfanficfanpollmod@gmail.com
Nomination period: October 1st - October 28th, 2013
Voting period: November 1st - December 31st, 2013
Winners announced: by January 10th, 2014

Where has the time gone?

I've been busy lately, re-reading all the Harry Potter books, and getting lots of ideas for fics. I'm in the middle of CoS now, and I'm re-discovering exactly why it is that I fell in love with this series to begin with. It's like becoming reacquainted with an old friend I haven't seen in years, and it's proving just as fulfilling. I realize reading them that I genuinely miss these characters as JKR writes them. I utterly and completely adore fandom and the people I've met because of it, but it's nice to think that JKR gave us so many things to play with. I love fandom because that's where they can all stay alive if we want them to. It's funny how a character in a book can come to mean just as much to some as a living person.  That's what HP does for me, because I tend to spend a lot of time alone when I'm not online. Books help me feel less lonely.

They've been constant companions throughout my life. They carry no preconceived notions or judgements of me, and I very much appreciate the sense of peace and escape they provide. In a book, I can be and do anything. I'm not limited by the boundaries of so called "reality", and I value that sense of freedom, even if it's only in my ditzy little head.

I'm actually happy right now. I feel good. I've been doing my best to look on the bright side of things, which is a really good change. I'm finding little things that make me happy every day, even if it's nothing but eating a piece of candy or enjoying a cup of tea. I'm also making it a point to keep myself hydrated, which has been a huge help. Drinking enough fluids is one thing I've struggled with for a very long time. Being hydrated alone makes a major difference. I feel much more awake and alive than I have in a long while, and I like the feeling.

Most importantly, I feel less helpless and hopeless. I'm standing up for myself more in small ways, but it feels amazing. It makes me realize that I don't have to give up. I can become more self-sufficient, which is really the only thing I've ever wanted from my life. It may be an uphill battle, but there is no reason for me to feel bad about myself, so long as I keep trying.

Today was really nice, despite my being zombie tired. I left a message for one of my best friends the other day, and today, I got a reply back, which I feel really happy about. It just feels better to feel not so alone with this, even though my friend lives on another continent.  It feels like I can breathe more easily, and I'm not quite so on the edge of a straitjacket as I was. So...yay. Progress has been made. (Knock on Wood.)

My online friends that I generally spend time with were lovely and supportive as always. I really feel incredibly lucky in terms of my online support system. The people I've been fortunate enough to meet online have sat up with me during nights, talking me through depressions, break-ups, suicidal urges and other badness in my life. That's what I call going above and beyond the call of duty, and I am incredibly fortunate and blessed to know such people and be lucky enough to call them friends of mine.

Another positive thing that happened today was that I got a reply to a comment I left on a YouTube video dealing with anorexia in boys. It was from one of the boys featured in the documentary. He is now recovered from the illness and is studying medicine himself. I was just so pleased to hear that he is doing so well, it made me feel better myself. My own relationship with food is not so good at the moment, so his reply was like a small burst of extra motivation, which I desperately needed without realizing it. 

I don't mean to gossip or tell tales on anyone, but this news is one of the things that made me feel happy today, and it's rare to hear/see happy news anymore, so I wanted to share that.  I am actually happy and content right now. I feel peaceful. Those emotions are so rare for me that sometimes I forget how they feel.  It's nice to experience them like this, especially after so long a time being down and blah, so I'm going to enjoy it while it's here.

And, for another drop in the positivity bucket, my nephews just got haircuts for school today, and they look so adorable I could eat them with a spoon. Such handsome little boys. They will be beating the admirers off with sticks before long, I know it.

So yeah, for now, things are good. You've all been so great to support me through the bad places, I wanted to share some good.

A lifeless corpse, she laid there, smiling.
Death had come on soft wings
to bring her shelter from the pain.

Looking at her, all I could think was-
God, what beautiful bones.
Tears of envy rolled down my face
As I whispered a furtive goodbye.