bleedingangel84 | I've realized some things today...

I've been thinking. The new year is approaching. Usually, that means I'd be feeling down on myself about what I feel I haven't accomplished this past year. This year is different, mainly because I feel like have accomplished things this year. I help my nephews with school, which is sometimes a job and a half. But I do love helping them. It's nice to have a share in their success and see them grow as people. I'm closer to both of them now than I have ever been before. That's a wonderful feeling, and it makes me happy. I feel useful now. I have a reason to get up every day, and I'm thankful.

Another reason I'm thankful is for fandom. The reading and writing I do give me a reason (outside of my nephews) to be happy and keep going. At one time, I never thought I could write fan fiction that people would read. But, now I do. I feel like I've grown as a person this year. I still feel shy and awkward a lot of the time, but I'm learning not to let that stop me doing things I want to try, especially in terms of writing. I have some really supportive and spectacular friends who more than make up for when my relatives don't comprehend where I'm coming from at all, and that is a huge help.

I've gotten much better at coping with things that would've made me fall to pieces before. There are still moments when I feel on the edge of falling apart, but they are less intense and farther apart than they used to be. And I've learned that even if I do fall apart and shatter, I can get back up and keep going. It's not the end of things, and the sky won't fall. It may waver for a moment, but it won't collapse.

I feel good. Which feels strange, but I'm holding on to it for as long as I can. I'm not down on myself right now. I'm happy. I don't feel completely worthless. That's totally worth celebrating, and I'm going to. I hope everyone had nice holidays.

Christmas day itself was quiet. I got food, clothes, a gift card, some really comfy ballet flats and other little things. It was actually quite nice. I was thankful for the peaceful lack of drama and extra sleep.

Anyway, I will sign off now. I have some new books to enjoy. Sorry for posting so much today, but I felt the need to share.