Thank you for being so gracious, I have a bad habit of starting the rant and not knowing when and how to stop - and sometimes it's on other people's journals.(*is angry at self and sends herself to stand in a corner*) I read that it was your grandma that said it and I think that's what makes it so hard to ignore - if it was someone who was out to hurt/humiliate you, you could probably just chalk it up to their viciousness. But if it's your grandma, you probably consider her someone that cares for you, so you attribute value to what she has to say. But most likely she was just being thoughtless with no intent to hurt you. I learned that being honest with people works for me in those situations. In my case, it was my mother, who would often make a similar remarks. She was very pretty in her youth and always found it hard to accept that one of her daughters wasn't. It was usually acid on the wounds of my damaged self-esteem and I would keep it to myself and ponder on it endlessly, chewing myself over what was in no way a universal truth, but more like her opinion. So one day I had it and I looked her in the eye and I told her: Mom, you're hurting me. I know you don't want to do that, but I happen to be extra sensitive in this particular area and I'd really appreciate it, if you told me you loved me instead, no matter how I looked like. And she had no idea - she was honestly flabbergasted over the thought that I would equal the way she commented on my looks with the way she felt about me. Cause my mom loves us, her kids, but isn't in much of a habit of saying so. And it worked on my mom, honesty often does. It's so much pretending and playing tough out there that when someone bares their soul, it often hits home. But I think it only worked cause my mom is a good person, just a bit superficial from time to time.:) And I've done it again, uh... (*drags that naughty girl out of the corner and kicks her out for good*) I solemnly swear to shut up from now on and hand you your journal back. Sorry! *squeals and runs away* ;)
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ninetydegrees
no subject
on 2014-03-17 11:45 pm (UTC)I read that it was your grandma that said it and I think that's what makes it so hard to ignore - if it was someone who was out to hurt/humiliate you, you could probably just chalk it up to their viciousness. But if it's your grandma, you probably consider her someone that cares for you, so you attribute value to what she has to say. But most likely she was just being thoughtless with no intent to hurt you. I learned that being honest with people works for me in those situations.
In my case, it was my mother, who would often make a similar remarks. She was very pretty in her youth and always found it hard to accept that one of her daughters wasn't. It was usually acid on the wounds of my damaged self-esteem and I would keep it to myself and ponder on it endlessly, chewing myself over what was in no way a universal truth, but more like her opinion.
So one day I had it and I looked her in the eye and I told her: Mom, you're hurting me. I know you don't want to do that, but I happen to be extra sensitive in this particular area and I'd really appreciate it, if you told me you loved me instead, no matter how I looked like. And she had no idea - she was honestly flabbergasted over the thought that I would equal the way she commented on my looks with the way she felt about me. Cause my mom loves us, her kids, but isn't in much of a habit of saying so. And it worked on my mom, honesty often does. It's so much pretending and playing tough out there that when someone bares their soul, it often hits home. But I think it only worked cause my mom is a good person, just a bit superficial from time to time.:)
And I've done it again, uh... (*drags that naughty girl out of the corner and kicks her out for good*) I solemnly swear to shut up from now on and hand you your journal back. Sorry! *squeals and runs away* ;)