Skulls and Angels

I have a stress toy that has gotten a lot worse for wear with all the squeezing I've been giving it. I didn't end up hurting myself, but the urge is still there. The thing is that I have a bad habit o internalizing things whenever anything bothers me. Instead of hurting anyone else, my first instinct is to hurt myself. I think a lot of it has to do with how I was raised, now that I think about it. My family was never all that big on expressing how they feel, so I always felt like the odd one. I learned to shove things down instead of letting them out. I can't even say that I really regret having cutting as a coping mechanism, because there are times when it kept me from doing something worse. I'm not proud of the fact that I've done it, but it's part of my life. Granted, not really an active part anymore, bur sometimes something triggers the old instincts, and I think part of it is just stress and feeling helpless with all that has been happening lately. Plus, nature was rearing it's head, so there's that. I'm considering putting together a stress-relieving kit so I have some things close at hand if this happens again. *hugs* Thank you so much for the support. I really appreciate it.