Beam me up, Scottie!

My mood is a dozen shades of gray now. Disaster seems like a plague these days. Part of me wishes deep inside that I'd never existed at all. There's really no other way to say that. Suicidal doesn't describe what I feel. I don't know that there are enough words to articulate  my current emotional state. Maybe just a grrunt or a groan. There's nothing but silence now. I'm still avoiding people. I ache inside. Tears annoy me to no end. I just want to bleed. One second's relief should not be too much to ask.