My sister, me and things in between

[bleedingangel84]

Well, in the latest news, my sister is somewhat better. She still doesn't know whether what she has is a kidney stone or a really wicked UTI, but she's not bleeding anymore, and she's not in constant pain. She says it only hurts now when she goes to the bathroom, and not all the time It's also normal times between bathroom visits and not twenty minute intervals. Thank goodness. I'm incredibly grateful to everyone for the positive thoughts and prayers on her behalf.

Meanwhile, things with me are not too good, either. I'm still feeling incredibly lonely and isolated.  That's not news, I know. The majority of my time is spent with family or by myself. I'm struggling right now with some very destructive urges. It feels like the kind of time when you need to call a friend to come over and do something, but I've been realizing that I have no one in my daily life that I could call. All of my family is either too busy or in ill health, and the few friends I have in locally don't really speak with me that often because they are busy, too. I wouldn't be comfortable calling them.

My grandmother does not see why my having no friends bothers me. She seems to have the idea that friends will betray you, which is making it harder for me. My online friends are fabulous people. I know that if they could, they would come and spend time with me, but most of them are in other states or countries.

So, long story short, I feel stuck with myself for company, and right now, that's not a good thing. At all.I'm not suicidal right now, thank God, but when I'm in this frame of mind, that could change pretty quickly. I'm not going to act on those sorts of thoughts, but they are there.

I need a change of scenery badly.