Skulls and Angels

I was out with my aunt and uncle yesterday doing my monthly grocery shopping, We had gone to eat at a steakhouse, gotten through shopping and were on our way back home. We passed by a church where someone my uncle works with attends. He made the comment that the man didn't really believe in God, because he had said before that sometimes he wasn't sure about God. I responded to this by commenting that just because someone is unsure, it doesn't necessarily mean they don't believe. He then made the comment that the guy may as well be an atheist because he sends his children to Catholic school. In his mind, being Catholic somehow equates to atheism. I have no idea how or why he thinks that. He seems to think that Catholics worship Mary. I have always believed that Catholics were just as much Christians as Protestants.  They both believe in Jesus, and I thought that was part of Christianity.

The longer I'm around my family, the more I feel like a different species. I don't think the way they do, or feel the way they do when it comes to so many things. If I didn't know better, I'd wonder if I'd been adopted. I'm really grateful that I don't agree with a lot of what they think, but sometimes I feel incredibly lonely here.There's no one I really feel comfortable going to for support on anything that really matters to me. It breaks my heart to have to say that, but it's the truth. I love my family with all of my heart, but sometimes I really hate the way they think. It's upsetting. They are too set in their ways to really listen to anything I have to say, and I get fed up of the feeling I'm beating my head against bricks when I talk to them.

I wish I had someone else to talk to and confide in, but I don't. My friends are great, but I feel like I lean on them too often. We all get busy, and there are times I just flat-out don't want to dump my shit on them. When I'm with them, I'd rather have fun and enjoy their company than turn every conversation into a therapy session. I spend too much time around family. I've never been encouraged or allowed to just go out with friends. My physical limitations or such that driving is not something I've learned, so going out on my own is practically unheard of. I just get so frustrated by my life sometimes. I don't want to be a burden on anyone, and I feel like I am, but I'm not sure what to do or how to change that. Every time I try to do what I can do for myself, someone else is always there looking over my shoulder, cleaning up the messes I make or doing things better than I could have, and it hurts very much.