2014 (aka "Holy shit! Where did last year go?!")

[bleedingangel84]

So, 2014 has been more or less peaceful so far. I've spent the last few days reading V. C. Andrews' Dollanganger series for the first time. Those books are (for me) extremely thought-provoking. I've been wanting to read them for years upon years and finally decided to go for it and order them with some of my Christmas gift card money. And for once, I did not feel guilty. I really wanted them, so I got them. I also got another series of books I've been wanting to read for years. As silly as this might sound, I am proud of myself for doing that. I had been talking myself out of getting them for a long time because I didn't feel as if I deserved them. It felt frivolous and wrong to spend money on pleasure when I could save the money for a rainy day. I used to always feel twinges of guilt when I spent money on anything for myself, because I felt that was selfish. This is one of the first times ever I haven't felt massive guilt for getting something I wanted that I chose for myself.

I'm afraid of being criticized by my relatives. Most of the time, they very much are not shy about voicing their beliefs and opinions. Most of the time, their opinions also happen to be the antithesis of my own, so life among them can get rather emotionally painful at times. That is why I'm so grateful for my friends, who give me the support my family is oftentimes too narrow-minded to give. I can't blame them for this. They do the best they know how, but they don't realize how much some words and actions can hurt. Try as I might to tell them, it's hard to bring attention to a problem that no one but you actually sees as a problem.

I'm doing my best to stay true to what I feel is right, regardless of whether anyone in my "real" life agrees with my opinions or not. It's freeing to realize that I can have my own opinions on matters. I am, quite frankly, grateful to be different from those I was born into. I'm not saying that either of us is any better or worse than the other, but I am deeply thankful not to be quite as close-minded as those around me. I can let them be and still be myself. And that is an incredible realization because for the longest time, I felt like I was swimming against a tide that was pulling me under.

Things aren't perfect. I still get frustrated by close-minded attitudes, but the positive is, I don't share them. Closed-minded people are almost pitiful, because there is so much good in the word they don't see.

I was going to add my New Year's Resolutions to this post, but I think I've been long-winded enough in this one, so I'll put those in a separate post. Hope everyone is well. <3

Comments

[josephinestone.livejournal.com]

For the first time!

I love Flowers in the Attic (read for the first time at 13), but none of her other books (especially not the ghost writer) were as good, imm. I haven't read Sweet Andrea (I might have got this name wrong), though.

I hope you like them!

[bleedingangel84.livejournal.com]

I had been wanting to read them for the longest time, but I never have until now. I'm really enjoying them very much. I got them the day after Christmas and I'm already well into the fourth book in the series. I find myself not wanting to put them down. They're fascinating! I think "Flowers in the Attic" and "Petals on the Wind" are the best of that particular series, but the others are quite good as well.

[josephinestone.livejournal.com]

Have you read the prequel (Garden of Shadows) or are you waiting until the end? I read that one after Flower in the Attic, but before the rest of the series and I really liked seeing the grandmother's point of view.

I really need to re-read these.

[bleedingangel84.livejournal.com]

I haven't read Garden of Shadows yet. I'm in the middle of Seeds of Yesterday, but I'm really looking forward to reading Olivia's perspective. She seems like an interesting character.

[nenne.livejournal.com]

Good for you! Enjoy those books without a trace of guilt. :)

[bleedingangel84.livejournal.com]

Thank you! I have enjoyed them very much. <3 :)