Thank God it's Friday!

[bleedingangel84]

I am, for once, looking forward to this weekend. I have every intention of watching The Perks of Being a Wallflower tomorrow. It is one of my favorite movies ever. I can relate to both that movie and book in some way that defies being quantified. I recently bought it on Amazon for less than $5. New. I guess it must've been meant for me to have it.

I have been struggling lately. I can't say that I'm actively suicidal. I have no plans to do anything that drastic, but I have been thinking about death a lot. The self-destructive side of me is rearing its head a little. I'm doing my best to ignore that and get on with self-care, but in all honesty, that's not what I want to do. I just feel like I'm going to explode if this keeps up. I'm almost looking forward to that because it would be something different. I don't even know how to make that make sense to anyone else, but everything in my life, especially lately, always feels the same. I'm around the same people and I do the same things every day. And that's all well and good. But, there's a part of me that wishes I was anywhere else doing anything else and with anyone else.

I literally have had no personal face-to-face contact with anyone who isn't in my family for months now. Even when I do get out of my house to go for supplies and food, it's my family that takes me. I just feel the urge to scream sometimes. I love my family. and I know they love me. I wish them no ill will. I'm thankful for all they do for me. But, sometimes I wish things were different.

I guess that's all I have to say. I hope everyone is well.

Comments

[bleedingangel84.livejournal.com]

Thank you for taking the time to leave such a thoughtful comment. I really appreciate your support and suggestions. I'm sorry to hear that your son is struggling as well. My thoughts are with you both. I wish there was a local amusement park, but where I am is extremely rural. I'm not sure if there are any book clubs around, but that would be a great idea. I'm not able to drive, so getting out is somewhat of a challenge at times, but I will definitely let someone know I need to get out soon. Thank you again for your encouragement. It means a lot to me. *hugs* We will make it through this. :)