High Fashion

[bleedingangel84]

Title: High Fashion

Author: bleedingangel84

Beta: None

Rating: PG-13

Warnings: Possible bacon fetish, more-than-slightly cracky premise, sexual suggestion

Word Count: 582

Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction created for fun and no profit has been made.

Notes: Possibly the weirdest idea I’ve ever had. I couldn’t get the idea of Draco in a bacon suit out of my head. And yes, they’re magical, so the bacon is edible. Not beta’ed. If you hate it, tell me. I hope you all have as much fun reading this as I did writing it.

Summary: Pansy is a fashion designer, Draco is a model, and Ron is hungry.

High Fashion

“Pansy, really! A bacon suit?”

“Yes, a bacon suit. Food-inspired fashion is in right now, you realise.”

“If you weren’t my oldest friend in the world, I’d hex you into dust.”

“No you won’t. You’re much too noble to hex a lady.”

“Hmm, did you turn into a lady within the last five minutes? Why wasn’t I informed of this development?”

“Now, now, darling. Don’t be rude. I’ve made your suit the centerpiece of my new fashion show. It will be simply glorious!”

“Pansy, you’ve been inhaling too close to the cauldron again, haven’t you?”

“Oh, shush! It will be perfect, you’ll see.”

“Why bacon?”

“Everyone loves bacon.”

“Ronald certainly does.”

“I am constantly amazed your lesser half isn’t as big as a house, Draco.”

“Pansy.”

“All in good fun, I assure you.”

“Good. I’m the only one allowed to insult him. You know that.”

“He will love this suit, Draco. I’d be surprised if he left one piece of it on you. His obsession with bacon is slightly less than healthy. How come he doesn’t weigh twenty stone by now?”

“I make sure he gets plenty of exercise,” Draco explained, smirking deviously.

“I do not wish to hear about your disturbing relationship with a Weasel, dear.”

“He has his good points. Chess is not the only thing he excels at, I’ll have you know.”

“Draco, really.”

“Pansy, you’ve become such a prude in your old age.”

“Old age?! Old age! I’m barely thirty, Draco.”

“You are still a prude.”

“I am not!”

“Teasing you is just too easy, Pansy. You take all the fun out of it.”

“I’ll get you back for that, Draco. I’ll turn your half-witted boyfriend into a dog and make him chase after you while you’re wearing that suit.”

“Hello. Are you wearing a suit made out of…is that bacon? Gods, I’m starving.”

“Ronald, get that slavering dog look out of your eyes and sit. How was work?”

“Fine. Gods, I just want to eat you right now.”

“Down, boy.”

“Bacon.”

Yes, Ronald. Bacon. Focus. Words, please.”

“Start running, Malfoy. Everyone with any sense knows you shouldn’t tease a hungry man with a bacon suit. Especially if that man is me.”

Ron darted upward from his seated pose, lunging just as Draco hurried past him.

“Ronald, get the fuck off me!”

“Nuh-uh. Gonna eat the bacon. Then I’m going to fuck you so hard you won’t be able to sit for a week.”

“You have to catch me first. And I’m much too fast for you.”

“Not when there’s bacon involved, Malfoy.”

“Pansy! Help! He’ll ruin your show!”

“Oh, no he won’t. I had two more of those suits made. You are on your own. But I will send you a bill. Do have fun, Weasley.”

“Thank you, Pansy. Brilliant idea for a suit, this. You’re a genius.”

“I know. Don’t do too much damage, please. I do still need him tomorrow.”

“Pansy, you wretched cow! Get back here.”

“That’s what you get for calling me old. Torture him, Weasley.”

“Oh, I will. He likes it.” Ron muttered, still attempting to catch his prize.

“Ronald! You are sleeping on the sofa tonight! Stop slobbering on me.”

“That’s not what you said last night, Draco.”

“Merlin, why did I have to fall in love with an idiot?”

“Who knows? Ta, Draco. Do cover up. I’d hate for you to catch a chill and get sick.”

“Ooh, Pansy! I’m going to kill you!”

“Not if Weasley devours you first.”

Comments

[my_thestral]

Loved it! :D I started laughing as soon as Ron entered the room and I think people at my office now think I'm a few sandwiches short of a picnic in the head.
But I don't care, this was just adorable. I could almost see Ron's eyes take on that were-wolf glow at the sight of a double treat! :)
And Pansy goes well with the story here, she's probably the only one mean enough to get back to Draco with no reservations - that's how childhood friends usually are. :)
Lovely characterisation through dialogue!

[bleedingangel84.livejournal.com]

I am so glad you enjoyed it, especially since you are a big part of why this fic exists in the first place. I really had a a lot of fun writing this. All the dialogue more or less wrote itself in this one. I could just hear the three of them in my head. I love it when things happen like that. I'm sorry if your coworkers give you strange looks, but I'm really glad this made you laugh.