Long day is loooong...

They didn't come to pick my nephew up from his tutoring until about 7:30pm. My brain is beyond fried. I'm struggling with the stress I've been dealing with lately, and it's making me wish I was still engaging in my more harmful pastimes.I have healthier ways to cope, and I know that. Right now, though, part of my brain wants to say "fuck off" to anything healthy because i just want to self-destruct.  I won't, but I want to. I had to put that out there, if for no other reason than for the sake of honesty.

I sometimes wish I was dead. That has been happening more often lately. I should say here that I have no plans or intentions to do anything that drastic, so please don't worry about that. I've just noticed that I tend to get morbidly introspective when I get stressed, and that is not really the best thing for my well-being, because I start to feel like a drain on my family, and a burden. I do my best to make sure that I'm not. I give back in whatever way I can, but I'm not Wonder Woman. I have to navigate around my limitations, and sometimes that is the world's biggest pain in my ass. But, if I didn't have this, then maybe I'd have to be some ignorant asshat. So, I think I'll stick it out. I'd rather have physical challenges than have a small mind.

Anyway, I hope everyone is well. Love and positive thoughts for all.