Hospital AGAIN...eek.
Mar. 15th, 2011 09:42 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
bleedingangel84My father had to go to the hospital yesterday morning at 4:00AM. He had been coughing up blood. He is on blood thinners because of previously mentioned blood clots in his lungs to keep him from forming others. They told him this was normal and SENT HIM HOME. (Dumb asses!) He got back home at around 8:15AM and was doing okay. Around 2:00PM, he told me to call my grandmother because he needed to go back to the hospital, but she wasn't at home. Her husband answered and said that he would take my father. I couldn't have taken him myself, because I'm physically disabled, and cannot drive.
My father was too weak at that point to even make it out to the vehicle. He couldn't breathe. So, I called 911, and it took about twenty minutes for them to get there. I have never in my life been so scared. He told the EMT that he was drowning in his own blood. I couldn't do anything but sit there and pray, feeling helpless. We waited for what felt like forever for news. Anyway, they admitted him last night, and they're trying to find out what is causing the bleeding. They've said it could be the cancer, the blood thinners, or something else entirely. His white cell count was elevated as well, which means there is an infection somewhere. Goody. At any rate, they have him stabilized, so that's at least a little bit positive. He's breathing much better, and ate some food last night.
I'm really not sure how much more of this I can handle without cracking up. I want so much to be there for my dad, but I feel so useless. I can't drive, so I can't even take him to treatments or anything. I try to make sure to tell him I love him every day, and to ask if he needs help, but it's very rare that he lets me do anything for him. Oh, how I wish I could take his cancer away. It hurts so badly to have to watch and wait, and see him go through all this and be able to do nothing. Sometimes, I just want a break from all this, And then I feel guilty for feeling like that. I just want to fly away from it all. I'm trying to hold it together, but in all honesty, I'm not sure what to do.I feel at loose ends since all this started, and it's awful.
My father was too weak at that point to even make it out to the vehicle. He couldn't breathe. So, I called 911, and it took about twenty minutes for them to get there. I have never in my life been so scared. He told the EMT that he was drowning in his own blood. I couldn't do anything but sit there and pray, feeling helpless. We waited for what felt like forever for news. Anyway, they admitted him last night, and they're trying to find out what is causing the bleeding. They've said it could be the cancer, the blood thinners, or something else entirely. His white cell count was elevated as well, which means there is an infection somewhere. Goody. At any rate, they have him stabilized, so that's at least a little bit positive. He's breathing much better, and ate some food last night.
I'm really not sure how much more of this I can handle without cracking up. I want so much to be there for my dad, but I feel so useless. I can't drive, so I can't even take him to treatments or anything. I try to make sure to tell him I love him every day, and to ask if he needs help, but it's very rare that he lets me do anything for him. Oh, how I wish I could take his cancer away. It hurts so badly to have to watch and wait, and see him go through all this and be able to do nothing. Sometimes, I just want a break from all this, And then I feel guilty for feeling like that. I just want to fly away from it all. I'm trying to hold it together, but in all honesty, I'm not sure what to do.I feel at loose ends since all this started, and it's awful.
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no subject
on 2011-03-22 11:26 pm (UTC)Sometimes, I just want a break from all this, And then I feel guilty for feeling like that.
I think that's a normal feeling under the circumstances, and that most people in your situation would feel that way at some point. I wish I could do something for you - other than just tell you that I hope you will be okay. I apologize again for not staying in touch. Take care of you!
no subject
on 2011-03-23 01:53 am (UTC)