My birthday is looming...

[bleedingangel84]

My birthday is coming up. Ever since I was about 15, this has led to an intense period of introspection in the days before and days after, which always leaves me feeling worse than when it started. This year is no exception. I'm approaching 27, and it feels like I've accomplished nothing worthwhile in life.  Yes, I have graduated high school and graduated from college.  I should be proud of those things.  I have my diploma and two degrees from an excellent school. You would think I'd be proud of that, right? But, I'm not. That accomplishment goes as much to other people as it does to me. I had people behind me every step of the way, pushing me. Without them, I really don't think I'd have done half as well as I did. So, that accomplishment feels like it doesn't belong to me, even if those pieces of paper have my name on them.

I'm nearly 27, I have physical limitations in the form of Cerebral Palsy, I've never had a real job. I have social anxiety that makes it hard to even go out of my house. I have no significant other. My father has cancer, and my best friend is my 72-year-old grandmother who is loving, but smotheringly overprotective at times. This is my life, and honestly, I'm feeling like it kinda sucks right now. I know there are loads of people who have it worse than I do. Maybe I'm not right to complain about it, but I can't help wanting so much more out of life than this. I can't help wondering if I will ever get it.

Comments

[veritas03.livejournal.com]

*hugs you* I can't know what your life is like because I don't live it. I'm not trying to tell you how to feel. But - there is one thing that you said that I want to address:
I have my diploma and two degrees from an excellent school. You would think I'd be proud of that, right? But, I'm not. That accomplishment goes as much to other people as it does to me. I had people behind me every step of the way, pushing me. Without them, I really don't think I'd have done have as well as I did. So, that accomplishment feels like it doesn't belong to me, even if those pieces of paper have my name on them.
Speaking as one of those people in a position to "push" others to achieve academically - you can't make someone do it. Yes, you can encourage and help them keep going - but there's too much to that achievement that is totally on that person. Please don't undercut yourself.
I hope I have not offended you.

[bleedingangel84.livejournal.com]

*hugs* I'm not offended in the least. No worries. Thank you for your kind words. <3

[nenne.livejournal.com]

I know this feeling. I never look forward to my birthday, because I'm just like you, I take stock of my life and I always feel like I come up short. I didn't accomplish the things in the year that has passed that I wanted to and then I realise that I have just gotten a year older, not necessarily a year wiser. (My birthday is coming up soon as well.)

What I have learned in life so far though is that if you want to change anything you have to start with your self and if you want the change to last it must be done in baby steps. You are the only one who can do anything about your situation and please do feel proud of the things you have accomplished. :) Use those to help you move forward.

I hope your father will get better and soon.

[bleedingangel84.livejournal.com]

I'm glad to know I'm not the only one who feels like that. I know lasting change comes with small steps, but sometimes I can't help feeling frustrated sometimes. I'll just have to use that as motivation to keep improving myself. Thank you for the encouraging words. :)