Reflecting again

[bleedingangel84]

God, I can hardly believe that tomorrow will be a year. One whole year since my father died. We spent today at Hobby Lobby, picking things to go on his grave, which was actually much less depressing than it sounds.  My two nephews were with us, and they can always make me smile. Those two boys represent everything that I love about life right now.

They are loving and funny and precious. I used to pray before they were born that they'd be safe and happy. They mean everything to me. Some days, they are all that keeps me from sinking into the mental quicksand I've found myself in lately. I'm trying my best to hold it together and be at least okay, even if happy is beyond me right now.

Tomorrow I'm going to the zoo with my sister and my babies, and I will do my best to enjoy the day, despite the heat and the fact that it will be the anniversary of my father's death. He wouldn't have wanted any of us to be sad, I know, but I can't help missing him. My heart hurts.

Comments

[veritas03.livejournal.com]

*hugs you*

[bleedingangel84.livejournal.com]

*hugs back* Thank you. <3

[enchanted-jae.livejournal.com]

You'll always miss him, and that's okay. It's okay to grieve, even years after the fact. But, like you said, your father doesn't want you to sit around and mope on this day. Do something fun with the family; it's a perfect way to honor him.

[bleedingangel84.livejournal.com]

Thank you so much. <3 We had a nice time at the zoo yesterday. It was nice spending time with my nephews, even though the day was rough in some ways. I came home and cried a little, and then read some fic.

[mage-girl.livejournal.com]

oh, honey.

I'm sorry.

First anniversaries hurt so much.

I am giving you the biggest hugs I can...sending the Love through the miles.


K.

[bleedingangel84.livejournal.com]

*hugs* Thank you so very much for the hugs and love. I really appreciate them. Yesterday was full of mixed emotions for me, but spending time with my nephews kept my mind off the hurt for awhile. Then, I came home and cried. It was both better and worse than I was thinking it would be, but I'm still wondering where the time went. It still feels like it just happened, and then I blink and a year has gone by. sometimes I really wonder about life.

[mage-girl.livejournal.com]

Yeah. Life is strange.

I am sorry, though...and I'm glad you spent time with your nephews and had time for yourself to grieve.

I know the ache will ease but I know you will miss him.

Just remember (this is going to sound corny) that he's in your heart always...

*hugs*

K.

[bleedingangel84.livejournal.com]

Thank you so much for the support. *hugs* Lately, it seems I never stop thing about him. Sometimes it hurts and sometimes it feels like a good thing, but for better or worse, he is always with me.