Gays are "sissies" (aka Why I HATED family Thanksgiving)

[bleedingangel84]

Soooo....yeah. We had our family Thanksgiving earlier today/yesterday. It's currently 1:28 AM on Monday morning.

The food was good. That's the best part of the day.

The conversation, however, left much to be desired.

This started with a fairly innocuous-seeming question of whether my eldest nephew was still in Boy Scouts. (He's not.)

One of my uncles then proceeded to say that if he was raising a child now, they would not be allowed to participate in scouts because apparently, there has been a lot of molestation happening in the Boy and Girl Scouts recently.

He then made a comment about a lot of the Scout leaders being gay.

Then, he and my aunt (his wife) talked about how gays are "sissies" and laughed about it like it was some huge joke.

Apparently, anyone attracted to the same sex is a weak child molester. Who knew?

I wanted to sink through the damn floor and die.

How the HELL was I born into this family?

I was paralyzed with disgust/fear/shame loathing for myself and them, simultaneously.

It felt like one of those unexpected moments where life just backhands you in the face, and you just have to smile and go on.

I depend on these people to care for me, in some ways physically and emotionally.

I love them and I positively loathe their narrow-minded judgementalness.

They love me, but if they knew I was not completely straight, they'd hate that. I've had girlfriends, boyfriends, and been attracted to transsexual individuals.

I like men, I like women, I like people.

I am not a child molester, nor do I ever want to be. I love kids, and they ALL deserve to be safe, happy and healthy.

Just because people are outside someone's definition of  "normal" does not mean they are monsters.

It does not mean WE are monsters.

I'm not sure when I've felt this hurt, or this angry.

I'm still crying like a faucet writing this, thankfully alone in my spare bedroom where my desktop is.

I feel like some integral hope in me has died today.

I don't feel safe. I feel raw and exposed and hurt.

And the sad thing is, no one can know anything  about it.

It's sad that in this century of science and technology, this kind of backward, erroneous thinking still exists.

All I've ever wanted was to feel truly loved by my family, to feel it and know they'd be there, no matter what, and I realize that won't ever happen.

It's one thing to know it intuitively, and quite another to have it shoved in your face this way.

Happy Thanksgiving to me.

Comments

[nenne.livejournal.com]

I understand that you depend on them and that you love them and won't get on their bad side, but I do believe that you would feel better if you did not sit quietly through such conversations. *hugs*

[bleedingangel84.livejournal.com]

You may be right, but when I've tried to speak up in the past, it never did any good and left me feeling worse. I'm never quite sure how to handle these types of conversations. Thank you so much for your support and hugs. It means a lot to me. *hugs*

[enchanted-jae.livejournal.com]

To assume that every gay male wants to molest boys is to also draw the conclusion that every hetero male wants to molest girls.

Yeah...the logic doesn't compute, does it? But, people who have been raised homophobic just don't "get" it. There's no use arguing with them. Just spend as little time in their company as possible.

[bleedingangel84.livejournal.com]

There is no logic at all in thinking like that. It just makes me sad that some people in my family think and feel that way. I do try to avoid spending time with him when I can. I always try to redirect conversations when they get started with the homophobic mess. It makes me angry, but arguing with them is like beating my head against a brick wall. They never want to listen.