Trigger Warning: contains discussions of food, weight, clothing, and size

[bleedingangel84]

How is it that family can always make you feel worse about yourself?

I wish I knew.

I get tired of people commenting on my weight, period.

I have issues with food that make it extremely triggering.

I used to be very overweight when I was growing up.

Through controlling my portions and exercise, I lost a lot of weight.

I developed a fear of eating and food that made it difficult to eat.

There were whole food groups I was afraid to even get anywhere near, I avoided eating whenever I could and I was absolutely terrified of sugar or fattening foods.

Physically, I was a healthy weight, so I got told I didn't have an eating disorder whenever I brought it up with my family. I just had weird issues with food, but I was still eating, so it wasn't a problem.

Nevermind that I was cold all the time and my hair started to fall out.

I didn't get skeletal thin or have changes in my cycle, but every time I ate, I would feel guilty. I absolutely had to walk in place for three miles every day, or the world would collapse.

Things are different now.

I no longer avoid any food groups. I now allow myself to eat things like cookies and chocolate.

I still keep track of what I eat, monitor my portion sizes and keep track of my calories, but I'm not as restrictive in my eating as I was.

I still try to eat healthily, but I no longer feel as guilty when I have things like chips or chocolate.

Overall, I'd say my attitude toward food is generally healthier than it has been in quite some time.

I don't eat massive portions of anything, but I eat until I feel satisfied.

I'm enjoying the flavors in food again.

I'm not massively overweight, nor underweight. I'm at a normal weight for my height.

Clothes-wise, i wear anything from a size 8 in workout gear to a size size 14 in pajama jeans. It just depends on the cut of the material.

I'm healthy now, and I intend to stay that way.

It just hurts when I have people tell me I could still afford to lose weight.

I'm short, and because of the way my body is built, I always look bigger than I am.

I'm not going to pretend I'm suddenly perfect. I'm not anywhere near that, but I worked hard at getting to a good weight for me. I eat healthily and exercise to keep myself there.

I'm not going to punish myself again for not meeting someone else's expectations of what I should be.

I have a right to be proud of being healthy.

But, when people tell me I could still afford to lose a few pounds, it's hard not to want to slip back to bad old habits.

It wasn't meant to be a hurtful thing, but it was, and now I'm fighting to not slip backward on this.

I am healthy. I deserve to STAY healthy, and that means not not letting this force me backward.

*crosses fingers*

Comments

[bleedingangel84.livejournal.com]

I really should start doing that. I hate it when people make comments like that, because it feels degrading in a way. Like my work doesn't matter. I'm kind of nervous to bring it up though, because I'm scared that I'll just get told I'm being too sensitive. That's usually what I get when I mention that it bothers me. Thank you so much for taking the time to reply to this. It really means a lot. <3