Trigger Warning: contains discussions of food, weight, clothing, and size

[bleedingangel84]

How is it that family can always make you feel worse about yourself?

I wish I knew.

I get tired of people commenting on my weight, period.

I have issues with food that make it extremely triggering.

I used to be very overweight when I was growing up.

Through controlling my portions and exercise, I lost a lot of weight.

I developed a fear of eating and food that made it difficult to eat.

There were whole food groups I was afraid to even get anywhere near, I avoided eating whenever I could and I was absolutely terrified of sugar or fattening foods.

Physically, I was a healthy weight, so I got told I didn't have an eating disorder whenever I brought it up with my family. I just had weird issues with food, but I was still eating, so it wasn't a problem.

Nevermind that I was cold all the time and my hair started to fall out.

I didn't get skeletal thin or have changes in my cycle, but every time I ate, I would feel guilty. I absolutely had to walk in place for three miles every day, or the world would collapse.

Things are different now.

I no longer avoid any food groups. I now allow myself to eat things like cookies and chocolate.

I still keep track of what I eat, monitor my portion sizes and keep track of my calories, but I'm not as restrictive in my eating as I was.

I still try to eat healthily, but I no longer feel as guilty when I have things like chips or chocolate.

Overall, I'd say my attitude toward food is generally healthier than it has been in quite some time.

I don't eat massive portions of anything, but I eat until I feel satisfied.

I'm enjoying the flavors in food again.

I'm not massively overweight, nor underweight. I'm at a normal weight for my height.

Clothes-wise, i wear anything from a size 8 in workout gear to a size size 14 in pajama jeans. It just depends on the cut of the material.

I'm healthy now, and I intend to stay that way.

It just hurts when I have people tell me I could still afford to lose weight.

I'm short, and because of the way my body is built, I always look bigger than I am.

I'm not going to pretend I'm suddenly perfect. I'm not anywhere near that, but I worked hard at getting to a good weight for me. I eat healthily and exercise to keep myself there.

I'm not going to punish myself again for not meeting someone else's expectations of what I should be.

I have a right to be proud of being healthy.

But, when people tell me I could still afford to lose a few pounds, it's hard not to want to slip back to bad old habits.

It wasn't meant to be a hurtful thing, but it was, and now I'm fighting to not slip backward on this.

I am healthy. I deserve to STAY healthy, and that means not not letting this force me backward.

*crosses fingers*

Comments

[alexicyn.livejournal.com]

You are a size 8 and folks are still complaining?!?!? Where do you live? My size 18 self will come there and SQUSH THEM!!!

If you are healthy, THAT IS WHAT COUNTS, as you already know! :)

You are already smarter than they are by knowing that. Ignore stupid folks. They will wear your IQ down with their grinding stupidity.

*HUGS*!!!

[bleedingangel84.livejournal.com]

It wasn't so much of a complaint as an observation, but it still hurt like a bitch, even though I know it wasn't meant to. Thank you so much for the support. It really helps having someone else tell me that their comment was stupid. Thanks for making me feel better. :) *HUGS*