Verbal vomit is not pretty

[bleedingangel84]

Have you ever tried to talk about something and not known how to say it? That's how I'm feeling at the moment. I'm having a really hard time putting it into words, but I'm having a difficult time lately.

The second anniversary of my father's death is coming up in a little over a week. I can't believe it's already been two years.

Some days, I miss him so much I can barely breathe, but I feel that he is still with me all the time.

Life in general has been hard. A lot of my family members are sick and not in good health.

I don't want to lose anyone else. I'm sorry if that sounds selfish, but it's how I feel. At this point, I have almost as much family below ground as above. Part of me wanted to roll over and die when Daddy passed away. Some days I still do, if I'm completely honest. But, I can't do that to my family.

I'm just having a difficult time seeing why it would matter if I died.

I know I won't always feel this way, but right now is just hard.

If you've read this, thank you. I very much appreciate it.

Now I'm going to go read some fic or something to cheer myself up.

Comments

[enchanted-jae.livejournal.com]

We all fear the loss of loved ones. That's not selfish; it's human nature. You'll always miss your dad, but when you feel sad for missing him, try to focus instead on the joy you shared. He would want you to smile and laugh when you think of him.

[bleedingangel84.livejournal.com]

You're right, he would. Thank you for taking the support, Jae. It means a lot to me. <3