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bleedingangel84I've been thinking a lot about fathers recently, Mine was not perfect, and he was the first to admit that. We didn't always have the best relationship, and I have to take my fair share of responsibility for that. I had a lot of anger at him growing up because of some of the issues he had, but losing him was one of the hardest things I've ever gone through in my life. He may have drank too much and too often, but he was always there in the background. He was supportive in ways I never quite fully realized until he was nearing the end of his life.
He taught me the kind of person I want to be. Even with all his demons and addictions, he was a good man. He always did his best to treat people fairly, and he'd give you the shirt off his back if you had need of it. He was hardworking and he loved horses. He taught us respect, and to always put others first. He sacrificed a lot for us. I don't think I ever realized just how much until after he was gone. I can only hope that he has some happiness now.
I made it a point while he was sick to tell him I loved him every day. Whatever else he may have been, he was my daddy. He taught me to love music and to appreciate where I came from. He passed on the best parts of himself to me. I hope I do him proud. He always told me that my sister and I were the best things he ever did in his life. I'm grateful beyond words that I had him in my life for the 27 years I did, even though sometimes it seems far too short.
The last two years without him have been hard. I still don't sleep in my bedroom, and I find myself missing the smell of his cigarettes at the oddest times. It's funny, but you even miss the things you hated.
Even as angry as I was at him a lot of the time, it was because I loved him. I hope he knows that now. I miss him every day, even though I know he'd probably say he wasn't worth missing. People might die, but love never does.
This was one of his favorite songs. Seeing that music was always a place of common ground for us, I felt it appropriate to share.
He taught me the kind of person I want to be. Even with all his demons and addictions, he was a good man. He always did his best to treat people fairly, and he'd give you the shirt off his back if you had need of it. He was hardworking and he loved horses. He taught us respect, and to always put others first. He sacrificed a lot for us. I don't think I ever realized just how much until after he was gone. I can only hope that he has some happiness now.
I made it a point while he was sick to tell him I loved him every day. Whatever else he may have been, he was my daddy. He taught me to love music and to appreciate where I came from. He passed on the best parts of himself to me. I hope I do him proud. He always told me that my sister and I were the best things he ever did in his life. I'm grateful beyond words that I had him in my life for the 27 years I did, even though sometimes it seems far too short.
The last two years without him have been hard. I still don't sleep in my bedroom, and I find myself missing the smell of his cigarettes at the oddest times. It's funny, but you even miss the things you hated.
Even as angry as I was at him a lot of the time, it was because I loved him. I hope he knows that now. I miss him every day, even though I know he'd probably say he wasn't worth missing. People might die, but love never does.
This was one of his favorite songs. Seeing that music was always a place of common ground for us, I felt it appropriate to share.
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on 2013-07-10 01:13 am (UTC)It's good to talk about it, I think, and to realize that that are others who share the grief we have. And it does sound like he died far too young, but you're right...the love never dies. ♥ and hugs!
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on 2013-07-10 06:37 am (UTC)no subject
on 2013-07-10 02:31 am (UTC)no subject
on 2013-07-10 06:39 am (UTC)