Contemplating suicide

Feeling so much-
feeling nothing at all-
blood flows from the vein-
the head is too full.

Thoughts spinning, whirling-
fear, like a rat-gnawing
at my sanity-gravity,
it buries me.

Carry me away-
from earth-
don't want to live in this
scarred skin.

Leave me underground-
after I've burned-
let my ashes
help the flowers bloom.

"Name" by the Goo Goo Dolls

For some reason, this song is doing some speaking to me tonight. I've always loved this group, and for some reason this one keeps running through my head. So, or course, I have to share. Still feeling a little wobbly, but not quite as close to the edge.

Reasons to live

Forgive the journal spammage tonight, but I'm in a strange mood, and posting sometimes helps with that.  I'm really feeling drained and tired and emotionally raw. I have the urge to burrow into my bed and hide from the world for a month or more, but I won't because I know that solves fuck all. It's still tempting though. I need to give myself some reasons not to throw myself over the edge, and fast, so that's what I'll do here.

1) Hunter and Aiden
2) Nannie
3) Robin and Aunt Carol
4)My online family and friends
5) HP fan fiction- (don't laugh, please. I know I'm a hopeless fangirl)
6)Dark Shadows
7)The next House of Night book
8) I need to finish reading the Vampire Kisses series
9) I haven't met Marilyn Manson yet
10) I need to eat at least one more helping of full fat tiramisu before I bite the dust.

That's enough to be going on with, I think. Hopefully some of this will pop in mt head the next time I get the suicidal urge.