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My nephew started school today. I have one word to say to that: Yikes! I don't think I was made to be a teacher. At least not a math teacher. I suck at it. Numbers are just not my strong point. The upside is that I'm not in tears this year. That's an improvement over last year's state of affairs. So...yay? I think? I don't know. I just hope I'm a better teacher this year than I was last year. At least this Monday is done.
Those days...
Aug. 13th, 2014 05:27 pmI'm having one of those days. I took a few days to go completely offline. I've been reading a lot. Usually at least one book a day, sometimes two or three. I like it. It feels good to me. It's escape and freedom. Anyway, I'm also struggling with really intense urges to self-harm, but I haven't acted on any of those. I heard about Robin Williams, and it makes me sad. Oddly, I wasn't overly surprised when I heard he'd gone. When I was watching his stand-up act on YouTube a while back, I couldn't help thinking there seemed to be a lot of sadness under that non-stop joking. That said, it made me cry when I heard.
I do not want to remember how he died, but how he lived. He was a wonderful and amazing human being. His movies helped me through many, many of my own depressed times, and I will continue to take comfort and hope from what he left behind. It is wonderful, and funny, and good.
Robin Williams, you will be missed, and you are loved, even in death. I hope that your soul finds the peace you deserve. Thank you for all the laughter. Thank you for all the times you touched my heart. Be at rest now.
I do not want to remember how he died, but how he lived. He was a wonderful and amazing human being. His movies helped me through many, many of my own depressed times, and I will continue to take comfort and hope from what he left behind. It is wonderful, and funny, and good.
Robin Williams, you will be missed, and you are loved, even in death. I hope that your soul finds the peace you deserve. Thank you for all the laughter. Thank you for all the times you touched my heart. Be at rest now.
And I am so happy about that. Because seriously, just when I think I'm on the edge of going mad and doing damage, somehow the universe throws me a safety zone. And that's what happened recently. I reconnected with two people who know my ins and outs better than anyone else probably ever will. The universe does care about me. I was honestly starting to doubt whether that was true. I have felt like shit all day. I still feel like shit, but there's a difference. I don't feel like I'm losing my marbles now. And if I do, I know I'll find them eventually.
And now, even though it's late, I'm taking some time to read something I like.
And now, even though it's late, I'm taking some time to read something I like.
It's update time
Jul. 18th, 2014 01:00 pmI left on a family vacation on the tenth. Some things I enjoyed a lot, and some things I didn't. We ate every meal out. It was either fast food or buffet. That was one of the things I really didn't enjoy so much. I don't think I felt properly hungry once during the trip, because it was always food, food, food. Every time I turned around, it felt like we were getting something to eat. My uncle had to pull over on the drive up the mountain so I could toss my cookies, which was no fun at all. On the night before we came home, I had an upset stomach and spent part of the night with my forehead on the rim of the motel bath tub.
The parts of the trip not related to food or being sick were a bit better. I enjoyed the museum we got to go to very much. There was a really interesting nature show about birds that I enjoyed seeing. I got to see a screech owl up close, which was spectacular. Also, none of the birds defecated on me, which I was extremely happy about. After we left the bird show, we went on rides. I rode two roller coasters, a Ferris wheel, and two water rides. My uncle and my brother-in-law were really amazing about helping me on and off the rides. I'm really pleased that I let myself have that experience.
The shopping portions of the trip weren't quite so fun for me. We went to a Christmas shop and a quilt outlet where they also sold wall art and things. The Christmas shop had some really cute things to look at, so it wasn't horrible to be there. The quilt shop was definitely not my cup of tea. I don't sleep in a bed, and I had no inclination right then to buy a picture, so I was in quite the sour mood there, especially considering the food situation during the trip. I feel quite sorry that my aunt and my sister had to deal with me. I did apologize afterward, but I'm not proud of myself for being a Negative Nellie.
All I really wanted was a T-shirt, which we didn't end up getting because it was nearing time to get food. We went to eat at Golden Corral, and something I ate there disagreed with me, because I woke up with my stomach rolling like a tidal wave. It was painful and rather malodorous.
Overall, I was quite glad to see the end of the vacation and get back home. I did get to see elks, a bear cub, and deer when we drove through a national park, which was nice.I think I'd have enjoyed everything more without the copious amounts of fast food. If I go anywhere again, I'm taking at least some of my own food. I don't care if they think I'm weird and rude for doing so, I'd rather have my system comfortable than in a giant upheaval for three days.
So, those were the ups and downs of my vacation. I'm not really in a rush to take another. The upside of it all was getting to spend time with my nephews. They just make everything better.
I'm currently recovering from a slight sunburn I got while going swimming with my sister, aunt, cousin. and nephews in my cousin's pool on Wednesday. How I managed to get burned when I carry SPF 85 sunscreen and reapply often is beyond me, but it happened.
We're having a family dinner tomorrow after my nephews get in another round of swimming. It's homemade Mexican food, so it should be delicious.
I hope everyone is doing well. I've missed you all. Yesterday was the first day I felt able to come online since the vacation. I spent massive amounts of time sleeping after we got home. It was just so nice to get back into a more normal routine again that I more or less reveled in being home and eating proper food. I don't mean to sound odd or snobbish, but it was truly a relief for me.
Bright blessings to all.
The parts of the trip not related to food or being sick were a bit better. I enjoyed the museum we got to go to very much. There was a really interesting nature show about birds that I enjoyed seeing. I got to see a screech owl up close, which was spectacular. Also, none of the birds defecated on me, which I was extremely happy about. After we left the bird show, we went on rides. I rode two roller coasters, a Ferris wheel, and two water rides. My uncle and my brother-in-law were really amazing about helping me on and off the rides. I'm really pleased that I let myself have that experience.
The shopping portions of the trip weren't quite so fun for me. We went to a Christmas shop and a quilt outlet where they also sold wall art and things. The Christmas shop had some really cute things to look at, so it wasn't horrible to be there. The quilt shop was definitely not my cup of tea. I don't sleep in a bed, and I had no inclination right then to buy a picture, so I was in quite the sour mood there, especially considering the food situation during the trip. I feel quite sorry that my aunt and my sister had to deal with me. I did apologize afterward, but I'm not proud of myself for being a Negative Nellie.
All I really wanted was a T-shirt, which we didn't end up getting because it was nearing time to get food. We went to eat at Golden Corral, and something I ate there disagreed with me, because I woke up with my stomach rolling like a tidal wave. It was painful and rather malodorous.
Overall, I was quite glad to see the end of the vacation and get back home. I did get to see elks, a bear cub, and deer when we drove through a national park, which was nice.I think I'd have enjoyed everything more without the copious amounts of fast food. If I go anywhere again, I'm taking at least some of my own food. I don't care if they think I'm weird and rude for doing so, I'd rather have my system comfortable than in a giant upheaval for three days.
So, those were the ups and downs of my vacation. I'm not really in a rush to take another. The upside of it all was getting to spend time with my nephews. They just make everything better.
I'm currently recovering from a slight sunburn I got while going swimming with my sister, aunt, cousin. and nephews in my cousin's pool on Wednesday. How I managed to get burned when I carry SPF 85 sunscreen and reapply often is beyond me, but it happened.
We're having a family dinner tomorrow after my nephews get in another round of swimming. It's homemade Mexican food, so it should be delicious.
I hope everyone is doing well. I've missed you all. Yesterday was the first day I felt able to come online since the vacation. I spent massive amounts of time sleeping after we got home. It was just so nice to get back into a more normal routine again that I more or less reveled in being home and eating proper food. I don't mean to sound odd or snobbish, but it was truly a relief for me.
Bright blessings to all.
Mother's day from the darkest pit of HELL
May. 11th, 2014 09:59 pmToday was...well, I 'd say the title about says it all. It was bad. It was awful. It was nearly panic-attack inducing. I was about one centimeter away from hyperventilating during parts of it. Thank the goddess that my chest isn't sore, because that really sucks.
Yesterday, while I was doing my monthly food shopping, my uncle brought up the fact that my grandmother is quite elderly and "in her last days". That in itself was upsetting for me. In all fairness, I understand his reasoning. She is older and not in good health. I don't even want to think about her death unless I have to. Then, he brought up a conversation he'd had with my brother-in-law. He apparently said to my brother-in-law that he, my nephews, and my sister should move out here to live in my house with me if something happens to my grandmother. I was upset at this, because I don't want to live with my relatives. If I wanted to do that, I'd have done it when my dad passed. I don't want to be the spinster maiden aunt who gets passed from place to place. My dad intended this house for us, and I want to stay in it, but no one (save a very few people) seems to think I'm capable of living on my own.
If I were to do as they want me to do, I would have no desire to live anymore. I already feel like a burden as things stand. It doesn't seem to matter how often people tell me that I'm not. I still feel that I am. I would hate for anyone to have to rearrange their lives and/or living spaces to accommodate me. I don't want to have to take up a place in someone else's home, even if they are willing to arrange things to suit me. I don't want to be displaced again, period. Especially not when I know I'm going to be dealing with grief and all the mixed emotions that come with it. I have a hard enough time adjusting to one change at a time, and losing someone I love is change enough to deal with without my relatives there to witness my meltdowns. Eesh.
Anyhow, needless to say, I was highly upset yesterday. My grandmother, being the caring person she is, wanted to know why. Being so upset, I couldn't think of a story fast enough and did the last thing I should've done by telling her the truth. I asked her not to tell my uncle I'd said anything because I was afraid he'd be angry or upset or some combination thereof, which state of things I do not do well with at all. That's the backstory.
Skip ahead to today, during which Mother's Day visit my grandmother comments to my uncle that she wishes he hadn't said what he did to me, because I was upset most of last night and today, and that she had only just now gotten me "broken out" of that. I was sitting in exactly the same spot I'm sitting now, wishing I could melt through the floor and die. I just felt so hurt and upset and self-conscious that right at that minute, dying would've been welcome. They were all sitting in the living room while I was in here playing Tetris in a futile attempt to hold back a veritable deluge of tears. Needless to say, I wasn't successful. I thought for sure I was going to hyperventilate or vomit. Maybe both, which would not have been fun in the least.
But, on the plus side of things, I managed to speak my mind to both my grandmother and two of my aunts. I told them how I felt and why I felt it, even if I was speaking through gushing tears at the time. I got told why I shouldn't feel that way, but I know it's only because they don't want to see me hurting or to feel as though they cause it in some way. I understand that, and i realize the things they do and say are coming from loving places.
I spoke my truth to them as near as I know it. I don't know if they will come to respect the fact that I am an adult or not, but it means a lot to me that I know now there is at least one person in my family who does believe I am capable of making it on my own if I choose to, and who believes I have that right. That in itself is a priceless gift. So, I guess good things can come even out of hellish days.
One thing's for sure, though, I'm exhausted. This day has been a loooong and painful one. I'm going to watch a few episodes of i Love Lucy and try to catch some sleep.
I hope that everyone had a peaceful day.
Good night, all. <3
Yesterday, while I was doing my monthly food shopping, my uncle brought up the fact that my grandmother is quite elderly and "in her last days". That in itself was upsetting for me. In all fairness, I understand his reasoning. She is older and not in good health. I don't even want to think about her death unless I have to. Then, he brought up a conversation he'd had with my brother-in-law. He apparently said to my brother-in-law that he, my nephews, and my sister should move out here to live in my house with me if something happens to my grandmother. I was upset at this, because I don't want to live with my relatives. If I wanted to do that, I'd have done it when my dad passed. I don't want to be the spinster maiden aunt who gets passed from place to place. My dad intended this house for us, and I want to stay in it, but no one (save a very few people) seems to think I'm capable of living on my own.
If I were to do as they want me to do, I would have no desire to live anymore. I already feel like a burden as things stand. It doesn't seem to matter how often people tell me that I'm not. I still feel that I am. I would hate for anyone to have to rearrange their lives and/or living spaces to accommodate me. I don't want to have to take up a place in someone else's home, even if they are willing to arrange things to suit me. I don't want to be displaced again, period. Especially not when I know I'm going to be dealing with grief and all the mixed emotions that come with it. I have a hard enough time adjusting to one change at a time, and losing someone I love is change enough to deal with without my relatives there to witness my meltdowns. Eesh.
Anyhow, needless to say, I was highly upset yesterday. My grandmother, being the caring person she is, wanted to know why. Being so upset, I couldn't think of a story fast enough and did the last thing I should've done by telling her the truth. I asked her not to tell my uncle I'd said anything because I was afraid he'd be angry or upset or some combination thereof, which state of things I do not do well with at all. That's the backstory.
Skip ahead to today, during which Mother's Day visit my grandmother comments to my uncle that she wishes he hadn't said what he did to me, because I was upset most of last night and today, and that she had only just now gotten me "broken out" of that. I was sitting in exactly the same spot I'm sitting now, wishing I could melt through the floor and die. I just felt so hurt and upset and self-conscious that right at that minute, dying would've been welcome. They were all sitting in the living room while I was in here playing Tetris in a futile attempt to hold back a veritable deluge of tears. Needless to say, I wasn't successful. I thought for sure I was going to hyperventilate or vomit. Maybe both, which would not have been fun in the least.
But, on the plus side of things, I managed to speak my mind to both my grandmother and two of my aunts. I told them how I felt and why I felt it, even if I was speaking through gushing tears at the time. I got told why I shouldn't feel that way, but I know it's only because they don't want to see me hurting or to feel as though they cause it in some way. I understand that, and i realize the things they do and say are coming from loving places.
I spoke my truth to them as near as I know it. I don't know if they will come to respect the fact that I am an adult or not, but it means a lot to me that I know now there is at least one person in my family who does believe I am capable of making it on my own if I choose to, and who believes I have that right. That in itself is a priceless gift. So, I guess good things can come even out of hellish days.
One thing's for sure, though, I'm exhausted. This day has been a loooong and painful one. I'm going to watch a few episodes of i Love Lucy and try to catch some sleep.
I hope that everyone had a peaceful day.
Good night, all. <3
Always something...
Mar. 31st, 2014 11:05 pmIt's always with the stupid triggers lately. I'm sick and fucking tired of this. As if that wasn't bad enough, this one came literally just after I'd got done saying that I was exercising so that people would have less reason to make comments on my weight. I want to keep myself healthy. I'm not a stick, but I work hard and I've literally worked my ass into the ground at certain points in my life. My grandmother said again that she wants me to lose weight The irony of this? I'm in a size small pair of sweats right now, and they are not tight on me. I cannot win in this family. I just can't. I don't care what I do, it's never enough. Fuck this shit. I wish I could stop this from affecting me. I'm tired of hurting because of them. And I'm pissed off. I do the best I can, and if they don't like it, tough shit. I'd rather be healthy and alive than a stick-thin corpse, I know she didn't mean it to be hurtful, but it still shattered something in me. I'm not beyond being hurt by this yet, but I can't help it if what seems like a healthier weight to me looks big to them. I'm a shorty, any amount of weight on me seems like too much to them. I don't want to be unhealthy again. The rational part of me gets that. But apparently they want the bitch who refuses to eat back again. Fuck that. That's not me.
Excuse me for all these rants about this lately. Contrary to what it seems when I write about my family, I do love them. I know they mean well. They want me to be healthy and thin so that I have less stress on my body, but in my case, I cannot get to their conception of healthy without turning myself into sour-faced, hungry-ass bitch. I refuse.
I will be healthy. I will not deny myself food. I will not exercise to the point of damaging my body. I'm doing the best I can to survive my life right now and not give in to the part of me that wants to self-destruct, and it's extremely hard right now. I just want to be told I'm good enough the way I am, regardless of my weight. Weight is only a small part of who anyone is, but I never feel good enough for my family. Ever. I feel like defective merchandise someone forgot to return that no one really wants. Like I'm an old doll someone forgot they had in the back of a dark closet, but no one wants me anymore because I don't function the way they wish I would.
I wish sometimes that life had an escape hatch.
Forgive me for blathering on so much, but I don't want to internalize this crap.
If you read this, I appreciate it more than any words could ever say. I apologize for rehashing the same stupid shit over and over. I know it has to get boring after a while.
Anyway, that's enough from me. I hope everyone is well.
Excuse me for all these rants about this lately. Contrary to what it seems when I write about my family, I do love them. I know they mean well. They want me to be healthy and thin so that I have less stress on my body, but in my case, I cannot get to their conception of healthy without turning myself into sour-faced, hungry-ass bitch. I refuse.
I will be healthy. I will not deny myself food. I will not exercise to the point of damaging my body. I'm doing the best I can to survive my life right now and not give in to the part of me that wants to self-destruct, and it's extremely hard right now. I just want to be told I'm good enough the way I am, regardless of my weight. Weight is only a small part of who anyone is, but I never feel good enough for my family. Ever. I feel like defective merchandise someone forgot to return that no one really wants. Like I'm an old doll someone forgot they had in the back of a dark closet, but no one wants me anymore because I don't function the way they wish I would.
I wish sometimes that life had an escape hatch.
Forgive me for blathering on so much, but I don't want to internalize this crap.
If you read this, I appreciate it more than any words could ever say. I apologize for rehashing the same stupid shit over and over. I know it has to get boring after a while.
Anyway, that's enough from me. I hope everyone is well.
My aunt, uncle, and I were eating dinner at a restaurant before we embarked on our shopping last week. I heard them talking about shagging. They were referring to the style of dance, of course, but my slash-inclined brain took that conversation in an entirely different manner. It was all I could do not to burst out with laughter right there.
Triggers galore today
Mar. 16th, 2014 12:42 pmI had to try on clothes today. That always triggers the not-good, hate my body feeling. Being told 'we need to get some weight off those legs" hurts. Badly.
I'm trying not to give into my impulses to starve myself.
I know it's such a stupid thing to get triggered over, but damn it, I can't help it.
i felt like a complete failure at that moment.
I'm healthy, but now I feel fat and ugly.
I feel worthless as all fuck right now, It's stupid, I know, but I do.
I wish i could just disappear from the face of the planet.
I don't mean to bellyache all over my journal, but I had to get that out.
*cries*
In the first place, that was a sucky thing to say, and in the second, my body is MINE, and doesn't belong to anyone else.
I just want to hit something.
*screams*
I'm trying not to give into my impulses to starve myself.
I know it's such a stupid thing to get triggered over, but damn it, I can't help it.
i felt like a complete failure at that moment.
I'm healthy, but now I feel fat and ugly.
I feel worthless as all fuck right now, It's stupid, I know, but I do.
I wish i could just disappear from the face of the planet.
I don't mean to bellyache all over my journal, but I had to get that out.
*cries*
In the first place, that was a sucky thing to say, and in the second, my body is MINE, and doesn't belong to anyone else.
I just want to hit something.
*screams*
It's nearly 2 AM. I'm tired. I should be asleep, and yet, I'm not. Gahh.
I need some 'me' time. I'm starting to feel a low tolerance for life in general again.
Part of me wishes I could just escape. It's not that I want to die, it's just that I wish I didn't have to be here.
I wish I could scream.
I need some 'me' time. I'm starting to feel a low tolerance for life in general again.
Part of me wishes I could just escape. It's not that I want to die, it's just that I wish I didn't have to be here.
I wish I could scream.
*whimpers*
Feb. 25th, 2014 01:12 amGuys, I'm having a rough time right now. As in, I can barely see to type because I'm crying. Nothing really happened, but yeah, emotionally, I'm doing very not good. Can I pleease have hugs? I hate to ask, but iI really need the support at the moment. Thanks. Hope everyone is well tonight. <3
Back to the Internet and sanity
Feb. 14th, 2014 03:08 pmHello! I'm back on LJ after four days away. My family has, as usual driven me nuts with homophobic bullshit. Thank goodness not everyone believes as they do. I'm going to go read something to cheer myself up before I end up taking my frustration out on myself in ways I shouldn't. Hope everyone is well! I missed you all.
Question of the Day: How in the hell is Ellen DeGeneres wearing a tux in the Oscars promos "flaunting being gay"? Last I heard, clothing had little relation to sexual orientation. I've known straight women that have done the same thing. Wearing a tux is hardly indecent, but from the way my grandmother reacts to that promo, you'd think Ellen was fucking Portia de Rossi in public or something. I really wonder about people sometimes.
Question of the Day: How in the hell is Ellen DeGeneres wearing a tux in the Oscars promos "flaunting being gay"? Last I heard, clothing had little relation to sexual orientation. I've known straight women that have done the same thing. Wearing a tux is hardly indecent, but from the way my grandmother reacts to that promo, you'd think Ellen was fucking Portia de Rossi in public or something. I really wonder about people sometimes.
I'm having one of those days. I really feel like being self destructive right now, and I'm trying not to. I'm trying soo hard, and I want to sooo badly. I've had a really shit day and for some reason I want to take that out on myself, which I know probably sounds like the stupidest thing ever, but...yeah. It's how I am. I'm not going to act on it, but I want to. I want it so much that I might be scared if I actually had the energy to do anything. I know it's probably just because I'm tired and feeling like poo someone has trod on several times, so I will do the sensible thing and attempt to make myself sleep. Shit. Sometimes I hate being an adult.
The Christmas blues and other things
Dec. 23rd, 2013 01:55 pmWell, the family Christmas is over. And all I can say is, thank goodness. It was the usual food bonanza.
My mother's brother and sisters were also there this year. Which was supremely awkward, as they tried (yet again) to set me up with some fine fellow from their church. My exact response was: "Thank you, but no thank you." Ugh. Why does everyone seem to think being single is a bad thing? If I want a partner one day, I will find my own, thank you very much. No offense to my relatives, but they know jack shit about me as a person and have no clue about my taste in people.
I'm not a religious person. I'm not one that goes to church every Sunday, which is what they think every "Christian" is supposed to do. I don't even like to call myself a Christian, because for me, the word has very negative connotations and evokes horrible feelings. I do believe in a higher power, but my concept of it is different than that of my relatives.
I believe every person has a right to their own beliefs. Beliefs are personal, and shouldn't be dictated by outside influences. If that means a person has no beliefs, that is just fine with me. I think what matters is how we treat people. And I've seen far, far too many "Christians" use religion as an excuse to bash people who are different from themselves, including my own relatives. And that just drives me nuts.
I know there are plenty of Christians who don't use their faith that way. I'm not trying to put anyone down. All I can say is that I wish I knew more of that type of person, and less of those who leave a bad taste in my mouth.
For better or worse, the major yearly ordeal is over, and I can only be grateful. At least the food was good. I got to see the children being happy. Overall, it wasn't bad. I missed my dad and couldn't help thinking about him, but that's nothing new. I miss something about him every day of my life. Another holiday gone.
My mother's brother and sisters were also there this year. Which was supremely awkward, as they tried (yet again) to set me up with some fine fellow from their church. My exact response was: "Thank you, but no thank you." Ugh. Why does everyone seem to think being single is a bad thing? If I want a partner one day, I will find my own, thank you very much. No offense to my relatives, but they know jack shit about me as a person and have no clue about my taste in people.
I'm not a religious person. I'm not one that goes to church every Sunday, which is what they think every "Christian" is supposed to do. I don't even like to call myself a Christian, because for me, the word has very negative connotations and evokes horrible feelings. I do believe in a higher power, but my concept of it is different than that of my relatives.
I believe every person has a right to their own beliefs. Beliefs are personal, and shouldn't be dictated by outside influences. If that means a person has no beliefs, that is just fine with me. I think what matters is how we treat people. And I've seen far, far too many "Christians" use religion as an excuse to bash people who are different from themselves, including my own relatives. And that just drives me nuts.
I know there are plenty of Christians who don't use their faith that way. I'm not trying to put anyone down. All I can say is that I wish I knew more of that type of person, and less of those who leave a bad taste in my mouth.
For better or worse, the major yearly ordeal is over, and I can only be grateful. At least the food was good. I got to see the children being happy. Overall, it wasn't bad. I missed my dad and couldn't help thinking about him, but that's nothing new. I miss something about him every day of my life. Another holiday gone.
My youngest nephew lied to me today about his school assignment. I have rarely ever been so disappointed. The really sad thing is, it wasn't even a complicated assignment. It would've taken us ten minutes to do. He said he'd already done it at home with his mom. Sometimes he does that, so I had no reason to suspect he was not telling the truth. When she asked if we'd gotten it done, I felt like an idiot. Turns out, he had told her that he wanted to do it with me, but he told me they'd already done it and it was at home. I feel really sad and hurt that he lied to me about it. I know kids do that sometimes to try and get out of things, but still, it made me feel awful. My sister and I both reprimanded him, but it made me feel like I'd failed somehow. I still feel awful about it.
I feel like bawling
Dec. 5th, 2013 09:55 pmThat's all. I want to cry until there is nothing left, I'm anxious and antsy and waiting for the dam to bust. It would be such a relief to just cry and dissolve this fucking damn tension inside.
I was having a really rocky day today. One of those days when I just felt like crying for no good reason because I was sad. My nephew was here for school, so I tried not to let him see that. Him being an observant and independent someone, that did not work out too well. He hugged me, cried with me and told me that I mean a lot to him, and that he needed me. He brought me tissues and made me laugh. I really love that kid. Sometimes it's scary how well we can read each other, but days like this, I'm really grateful for it. I love him to bits. I hope he always stays as sweet as he is now. He is a major part of what makes my life worth living right now.
Advice for good "power" songs
Nov. 13th, 2013 06:35 pmI'm thinking of making myself a playlist of songs that make me feel hopeful/powerful/kick ass ready to stand up for myself. But, I'm not sure what songs to put on it. I have a few ideas, but I would appreciate advice if you guys have any suggestions. All music genres are welcome. Here are some I was thinking of using:
- Katy Perry- "Roar" and Firework"
- Lady Gaga- "Born This Way and "Do What You Want"
- Pink-"Stupid Girl" and "So What"
- Christina Aguilera- "Fighter"
- Gym Class Heroes-"The Fighter"
- Idina Menzel- "Brave", "I Stand ", and 'Defying Gravity"
I hate YouTube now. Cannot comment without Google+. Do. NOT. Fucking. WANT this! Damn it! *screams* Sad, crying, hormonal mess. This is bullshit. I know it's not a real problem. I've had real problems, and this is not one. Still damn fucking irritating, though. One more social avenue screwed up thanks to so called "upgrades". Fucking thanks, Google. You suck donkey dicks. My apologies for the temper tantrum. I'm going to bed before I give in to my urge to hurt myself. AHHHHHHHHH!!!! No. Just..no.
